The Art Of Being

Dark

"Why are all the lights off, isn't there enough darkness in the brain?"
I heard this with much surprise, coming out of my grandmothers mouth
And I instinctively reflected on what she had just said, although she said it with pure innocence
Unaware of the complete honesty of her words
Why are all the lights off, I thought
Not in my house, nor my room
But in my brain
All of the lights are off
I immediately thought of the younger version of myself
Yeah, all of the lights were on back then
My imagination was a bright fluorescent light that illuminated my whole skull
You could almost see the light rays through my bright, colorful eyes
My mind was a festival of lights, with multiple light bulbs each representing something different
The blue was food, oh how it lit up like the sky on a hot afternoon, every time I had my favorite spaghetti, or when I ate the delicious cake at my birthday party.
The yellow was for games, the games I used to play back in elementary, the ones that filled my body with bruises and scratches from the adventures I would take in my block.
The red was for love, this light bulb lit up every time I felt an ounce of love towards someone or whenever my mother would kiss me goodnight, or when I received a secret valentines day card, or when teachers used to put "Good Job" stickers on any paper I turned in
The green bulb lit up every time I heard music, this was a lovely light that I have looked forward to
Back when I was younger, my brain was not dark, its walls were filled with smaller versions of the sun and the moon and the stars where brighter than I see them now
Back when I was younger, my brain was not dark, it wasn't polluted with the thoughts of right or wrong, politics, religion, and romantic love.
Back when I was younger, my brain was not dark, all that mattered was what new adventure I could go on today or what book I could find at the library
Now, every day contains a message
I cant look at a wall without overanalyzing its structure, its history, its future.
I cant taste food the same because the blue light bulb burned and its colors faded
I cant get a scratch without thinking about possible hospital bills
I cant look at a person without thinking that they might be a possible partner match
The lights have died off
and now nothing but darkness resides
what is in there
I do not know.