God I want to be honest with you but it's hard. I don't want you to be angry with me or disappointed in me. When I say these things it makes me feel like a bad person. Right now I don't feel you. Right now you feel distant. I know there are things in my life I have chosen over you and I'm sorry. I want you to change me. I long to genuinely enjoy you. I want to experience true sanctification and pleasure and joy in my relationship with you. I want to love you more than any on this earth. I want to treasure the kingdom of heaven so much that I'd be willing to sell everything in order to get it. Jesus I need to give myself up. I am not strong enough to love you and walk with you on my own. I can't do it, and I need you. I need you deeply and desperately. I believe you are worth it, that you are better than anything else I could have in this life or the next. I want you. And when I don't, I want to want you. Be all in me. Take all of me. Have your way with me. God you know me. You know my heart. You formed me and knew me before you spoke the world into existence. I thank you for constantly chasing after me. I thank you for your patience with me. I thank you for your protection over me. I thank you for who you are.
