Heartstopper Oneshots

Mental Health Breakdown

TW: swearing, SH, mental breakdown, panic attacks, slight mentions of death

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<Charlie's Room>

Charlie's POV:

Our shouts echo throughout the house,we were just having a conversation about mental health and it just broke out into this fight.

"My god, I am not some fragile and broken mess that's waiting for you to put me back together Nick!" I shout, "I'm not a fucking child!"

"Well then stop bloody acting like one!" Nick shouts back, his arms crossed across his chest.

"You aren't making anything better, Nick!" I shout, "If anything, you are making things worse! It'd be better if you weren't fucking here!" The second the words leave my mouth I come back to reality. 

I stare at Nick with regret, he looks as if I had just killed a person. I just told the one person I care about the most that I wished they'd disappear.

"Nick, I-" 

"I-I got to go" Nick whispers, he is practically inaudible. He doesn't bother grabbing his stuff, he just rushes down the stairs.

I follow him, "Nick," I call, the front door closes and I hear him running down the street. I rush back up stairs and call him, no response, I call again, no response. I pace around my room, I need him to know I didn't mean what I had said. Of course I want him here, I probably wouldn't be alive right now if Nick wasn't in my life. I stop pacing when I notice something on the floor, a fresh blood stain, but that's not possible I've clean for months unless. Nick. Without another thought I slip on my shoes and go outside. I need to find Nick, and fast.

Nick's POV:

The second the words leave Charlie's mouth, the whole world shatters around me. Was I really a burden to Charlie? Had I been making it hated for him to get better? I instantly get flashbacks of when mum and dad would fight before their divorce, I tried to help make things better but it inevitably made things worse. Was that happening to me and Charlie? 

Pain stings from my arms, I've digging my nails into them since we started argue and I wouldn't surprised if I'd drawn blood, I feel tears forming in my eyes but I refuse to let them leave in front of Charlie.

"Nick I-" Charlie started but I just couldn't hold this emotion inside me for much longer, I had to get out of there.

"I-I got to go" I whisper, I run out the door forgetting my stuff.

As I run out, the tears I'd been holding in started to stream out. I just run to the park, I didn't even think I just ran. I stop for a second, I gasp for air and grab at my chest; I know what's coming. I run and hide behind the log Charlie and I hung out at one time, I bring my knees to my chest and the tears begin to fall again. I try to control my breathing, my nails continue to dig into my arms.

I thought about what Charlie said, it immediately brought me back to when my parents were arguing. I feel like that little boy again, I remember my dad saying we would still stay close, I remember comforting mum and trying to restart our lives. I remember every time David would bully me into hating myself and blaming me for the divorce. I rock back and forth, tears kept streaming, I gasped for air. I feel so small.

I hear someone calling my name faintly, but I am so lost I cannot make out who it is. 

"Nick!" the person lifts my head up, I see Charlie's face. "Nick, it's okay. I'm here deep breaths." He tries to calm me down, "Nick, just copy my breaths. Ready? ...1 ...2 ...3." I replicate his breaths and I finally calm down

I feel his hands reach for my own but I flinch by pulling both my hands and arms in between my chest and my knees. Charlie gives me a look of concern and sympathy. My eyes must widen or my face must go pale, he knows about my nail problem.

"Nick, can I please see your arms?" he asks, I nod. He carefully grabs my hands and slowly moves them away from my arms. There are little blood indents where my nails were, "I'm sorry" I say.

"Oh Nick," he says and he pulls in for a cuddle, I melt into his arms. "I-I am so sorry, I didn't mean what I said. I'm so happy you're in my life." I look at him, "I wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't for you, okay? You are the most important person in my life and I can't imagine a life without you in it."

"I believe you," I say, "I just-I got flashbacks from my parents' divorce and David bullying me into believing I was a burden to them and I caused their divorce. It lead to me believing that I was becoming a burden to you and that you'd-"

"Nick," Charlie says as he grabs my face, "you aren't a burden and you have done nothing but help me through my struggles, and I want to be there for your struggles. I had no idea that you suffered through that and it affected you so heavily."

"Neither did I," I say. 

"Come on let's get you home," he says, "We'll get you cleaned up and we should also talk to you mum."

He helps me stand up, but I'm still anxious. He squeezes my hand.

"Hey, it's okay. We''ll get you the help and I'll be there every step of the way" he kisses me, "I love you so much, never forget that."

"I love you too." we begin to walk to my house, I stop "Wait! My stuff is still at yours."

"Don't worry I got it." Charlie picks up my bag and blazer off the ground before we continue to walk hand-in-hand to mine.

A/N: First story of the year. Thank you everyone for reading these stories, I'm surprised so many people have read these.