Reflections.

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Lucas pov

If we're being honest, I don't really remember the last time I was genuinely happy. My last good laughs would have to be when my mother was still around. It was around this time actually before thanksgiving.

I decided to spend the Holiday with her and her junkie friends. Back then I didn't know it, but she was high off her ass trying to figure out on what to eat. We all settled with Boston Market and headed our way there. On the way, my mom was rambling about how one day I'll become the ladies man and grab lots of attention. She mentioned how excited she feels to watch me grow up as a young man. As she spoke, the only thing I can focus was her arm that was bruised from needles. Whenever she noticed me staring she would put her sleeves down. She always had sleeves just to make sure she needed to hide anything.

''Let's make the Holidays right this time.''

Every year.

I was told the same thing every year.

And every year,

I believed it.

I gave my mom a warm smile and I had hope that this time she would make things right. I felt excited that I had my mom back after another 2 months of her in rehab.

As we made it to Boston Market my mom asked me to go find the best seat for the 6 of us.

''Look at my handsome boy all grown up.''

She would brag about me all the time to her friends. Probably because she was the only with a child. It was the only time I ever felt seen by my mother. The spark that formed in her eyes whenever she talked about me. She gave me a quick glance and winked at me. I couldn't help but laugh at her from how she talked about me. The exaggerated lies she liked to add on.

Lucas knows how to fix his own bike.

Lucas made it to top honor all at school.

Lucas says he wants to become a doctor.

None of which were true by the way.

''He's gonna be a real ladies man.'' One of her friends said.

''Damn right he will, but he'll never forget about his mama.''

She patted on my head, slightly messing up my hair.

That was the first time I spent thanksgiving outside of my house. It wasn't fancy or anything but it sure as hell was fun.

It was also the last time I spent the Holiday's with my mom. Because 3 days after that, it was back to rehab.

I was 11 at the time. It was back when I thought that it was possible for my mother to change.

I sigh at the thought of just thinking about that time. A sense of nostalgia takes over my brain. My mom was high for fucks sakes. Why am I mesmerizing a time where my mom had traumatized me the most? In my head it felt like a genuine mother-son bond. But in reality, she was high.

But anyway.

Thanksgiving is right around the corner and just like every year, the Holidays feel dull.

It's been a week since that Halloween party and i still haven't seen that Angelia girl. She could have at least given me her number or something.

But my mind was on somebody else anyways. Someone much older. Although it's been a week since we've last had our usual midnight "lessons", I've agreed to meet up with her this morning behind the school. Class starts in about an hour and 2o minutes. So yeah, i did wake up early for this.