Touching Shadows

Planning an escape from the bathroom floor

"Ohh God... I love you. "

Cohen opened his eyes and looked straight at me, his hands still holding my hips. A look of absolute shock on his face.

"You what? "

I froze.

Shit! I'd just said that out loud. And he'd heard me. Oh God, what have I done?

Shit shit shit.

I pushed myself off his cock and scrambled off the bed. Cohen grunted, but I didn't stop to check that he was ok. I ran to the bathroom, locking the door behind me.

I leaned my back against the bathroom door and lowered myself slowly to the floor. I held my head in my hands, ragged breaths making my chest rise and fall irregularly. I could feel my face was beetroot red, and tears were already forming in my eyes.

I had never been more mortified in my life.

I couldn't get that shocked look on Cohen's face out of my mind. What the hell was I thinking? Why the fuck did I say that!? He obviously didn't feel the same, and now I'd made things awkward and uncomfortable and... how was I going to face him again after this?

I was stuck on a fucking island with him... Sharing a bungalow with him... I was going to have to leave. There is no way I could go back out there and act like everything was normal.

Maybe I could wait it out until he was starving and left to find food... or he fell asleep... then I could sneak out, grab my bag, my plane ticket and just... leave? Or just put some rocks in my pockets and walk out into a deep lagoon. That was also an option.

I got off the floor and started packing my toiletries into their bag.

God, Audrey! You finally found something resembling a normal relationship with a gorgeous guy who treats you right. It was casual and fun and just what you needed after your A-hole of an ex, and you had to ruin it in true Audrey style. I love you!? You'd known him for all of 3 months, and he was off getting over his wife in the wild for 2 of them! Well done! You are destined to be alone forever...

I zipped up my bag, picked up my robe from the floor and threw it over my naked body, then went and curled back up on the tiles. Maybe if I made myself as small as possible, and wished hard enough, I might disappear.

"Red?"

He was knocking gently, his tentative voice carrying through the bathroom door above me.

"Red, please open the door."

I didn’t answer. Hopefully he would get the hint and go away. Please go away. There was a long silence.

“Audrey… please…”

Audrey?

Not Red.

Not Baby.

Not Miss Jeans.

Audrey.

This was the first time he had called me by my name in all the months we had known each other.

I sat up quietly and reached up, slowly unlocking the door. Then I curled myself up with my knees to my chest, and hid my face amongst the mess of my hair.

He opened the door cautiously, then came into the bathroom. Lowering himself to the floor, he positioned himself so he was sitting directly in front of me.

I stared at my feet in utter humiliation, radiating heat from my face and feeling a wave of nausea building in the pit of my stomach. I didn’t want to see the pity and rejection in his eyes. It would be too much to bear.

“Look at me, Audrey.”

I shook my head and continued to study the floor intently.

“Look at me.”

He gently lifted my chin, so I had no choice but to look into his eyes. I saw no pity, just questions.

“What you just said… did you mean it?”

I bit my bottom lip, failing to stop a tear from escaping onto my cheek. I took a heaving breath and nodded. There was no point lying. We couldn't rewind and undo this now.

“Yes.”

He smiled fleetingly and wiped the tear from my face.

“I didn’t mean to just blurt it out like that. I just wasn’t thinking and was caught up in everything. It’s silly and I shouldn’t have said anything, and I know it’s way too early to be saying and feeling stupid things like that, and I don’t expect you to feel it back. Please just forget I said anything and then we can just…”

He put his finger to my lips and shushed me.

“Audrey… baby…”

He scooted forward and cupped my cheek in his hand.

“Just stop.”

I started to object, ready to launch into another tirade of excuses to explain away my words, but he silenced me again with his finger to my lips.

“You’ve had your turn to talk. Now it’s time to listen.”

I took a deep, broken breath and nodded.

“Audrey… you are a woman full of fire and fury and wonder. You are beautiful and passionate and surprising. And ever since you kissed me against that tree, under those stars, I haven’t been able to get you off my mind.

It wasn’t until I was alone and away from you in the woods that I realised why I felt so lost.”

He took my hand and held it against his chest. His heart was beating fast under my fingers. Thundering along like mine was inside my rib cage.

“I haven’t had somewhere to call home for so long. Nowhere I could relax and feel safe and loved and just be myself. And I was scared of you. You weren’t afraid of me. You weren’t afraid to call me out when I was being an arsehole. When I was selfish. When I was lying to myself. And you pushed me to put myself first for the first time ever, and that was terrifying too."

He brushed a stray strand of hair off my face and continued, smiling softly.

"This tiny little firecracker of a woman scared the living daylights out of me. Because I realised that my home is you. You’re my north star.”

Tears streamed down my face as I listened to him talk.

“Audrey, I love you so much it physically hurts.”

A sob rose to the surface and broke me. There was no stopping me crying now. Cohen pulled me to him, kissing away my tears, whispering to me softly.

“Shh my love.”

He kissed my eyelids.

“Please baby…”

And my cheek.

“Let me hold you…”

My neck.

“Let me love you…”

I kissed his mouth, dizzy with emotion, branding myself to him.

Oh God. This man.

He was it.

My heart and my home.

_________________________________________

Oh! These two ♡♡♡

Anyone else melting?

Loved writing this one. Hope you loved reading it.

Bronwyn xx