How to Date a Nerd

Chapter 36 - How to Say Goodbye, Permanently

Which led me to a life of love and never in-loveable
Outwardly affection was the only connection
I could make with those I used
But I gotta take this heart and make it change for the better
By letting go of her
I'm moving on Darling look out below
Cuz there's a lot to let go                  

                                         Story of A Boy, Between The Trees

With my hands tight on the steering wheel, I fixed my eyes forward and tried to clear my head. It could just be a mistake. Worrying won’t do anything good.

The traffic was making my headache worse. Was Sarah really the one writing to me? I could’ve sworn that was her handwriting. My thoughts lingered on that as I finally saw the green road sign announcing that I was finally in Hopkinton.

Instead of going straight to Sarah’s house, I drove around town, passing by Gill’s, Hopkinton High with a green announcement board near the gates that said, “Go, go Hillers!” and the small shopping mart. It felt like a little had changed. Eventually, I drove by the local park where I first met Sarah.

I slowed down to a stop. Closing my eyes, I deliberated. Should I go? I made a deal with her. I couldn’t see her until she said so. Until she was ready. But that was three years ago, wasn’t it? How long would it take for her to be finally ready to see me?

Nodding to myself, I started the car. “I’d just take a look around. I won’t even have to show myself. Just one peek. Then I’ll go,” I mumbled to myself before stepping on the gas.

My mind was blank. What’d I say to her if she saw me? On that note, my cell phone rang. Reed’s name came up on the screen. I didn’t pick up and kept on driving.

In next to no time, I was already in a familiar neighborhood—what used to be my neighborhood. I parked two houses before arriving to Sarah’s. In the heat of the afternoon, no one was outside. But Freddy’s Toyota was in the garage so I was guessing they were home.

Right in front of the Byrne’s house was what used to be my home. I told Dad to sell it. But he just said that no one wanted to buy it. So technically, it was still ours. Maybe he was still hoping that we could go back in there someday.

The house didn’t look as neglected as I thought it’d be. The lawn was neatly kept, the porch, covered by a worn out curtain. Maybe Freddy was still taking care of it.

The sound of my fingers against the steering wheel was my only distraction as I waited for something to happen. For someone to get out of the house. After half an hour of craning my neck without any success, I put on my shades and got out of the car.

I’d be quick about it. Just one look. Then I’d be gone.

Discreetly, I jogged behind a lamppost right across Sarah’s house. Not like it was wide enough to hide me in broad daylight. But it was better than nothing. Again, I waited, trying to see through the open windows.

So this is how it feels to be a stalker, I thought, sneering nervously at myself.

In frustration, I finally crossed the street. I hid behind the old tree in the front lawn, noticing a small apple tree growing just beside it. Now that was new. I didn’t know apple trees could grow here. That was when I caught a glimpse of the narrow path leading to Sarah’s backyard garden. Seeing that no one was around, I sneaked to the side of the house, ducking when I passed by the kitchen window. On the count of three, I pushed the picket fence gates.

The gate creaked. It looked like the pieces of wood were going to fall off from the hinges. Unlike the way it was before it left—white and new—the wood was already mottled and gray. I was more surprised when I saw the garden Sarah was always raving about in her letters. The flowers were gone. Blues replaced by browns and grays. The small lot was now filled with grass and dead plants like it hadn’t been touched for years. So different from Sarah’s pictures.