Breathe: A Jaden Smith Lovestory

Chapter 3: Know Why

Chapter 3: Know Why

I woke up with the biggest crick in my neck. I got up out of my bed and wondered if this was really where I fell asleep last night. I had a very vague memory of last night's occurrences. All I remembered was Jaden & I, on the couch, kissing. I peered at my phone. 9 AM. I checked my text messages and realized Jaden had texted me. It read, "Good Morning Beautiful. We Fell Asleep Last Night On The Couch. So I Decided To Put You In Your Bed And Leave. You Were So Tired. But Text Me Back. I Love You Holly." I scratched my head as I replied. "Thanks babe. I'm awake now." I wasn't expecting a response so soon. I, knowing Jaden, was expecting a response at approximately 2 pm, especially after the long night I thought we had. I could barely remember. I went into the bathroom and prepared myself for a long hot shower. I stripped myself and climbed in. Once I was done, I threw on my towel and grabbed my toothbrush. I was still barely awake. As I began brushing my teeth, I observed myself in the mirror. I then noticed something. It was purple. And it was on my neck. A hickey. That explained a little of what happened last night. I rolled my eyes, and continued to brush my teeth. I finished spitting out my last bit of toothpaste, gargling my mouth, and I was then on back to my room. I threw on my white t-shirt, a pair of sweats, and ran on down the stairs. As I walked into the kitchen, the smell of eggs and pancakes hit my nostrils. "Wow! That smells good J", I said with a smile. He didn't respond. I then repeated myself. "I said that smells good J!" He then looked up at me and said "Oh. Um. Thanks", as he handed me my plate. I dug right in. He then blurted out, "I have a question."

"Sure shoot.."

"Okay, like I know you and Jaden have been together for like four months, you guys have been at it for like a year and change, & you're 16, & he'll be 17 in a few days... And you guys spend a lot of alone time together. And I was just wondering... Are you like.. Having sex?

My eyes bulged. "No J."

He looked me dead in my face, "Please don't lie to me?"

"No. We aren't. We've been very close to at times, but we've never actually had physical sex."

"Oh okay good", he said with a sigh of relief. "You know you can come to me about anything right?" He came around to my side of the kitchen counter and pulled me in close. He then kissed me on the forehead. "Yes J."

"Alright", he said with a smile. He then commenced walking out of the kitchen, when I stopped him.

"J."

"Yeah?"

"I need your help."

"Sure baby sis."

"It's Jaden."

"What? Is he pressuring you to have sex? I don't wanna have to---"

"Haha! Calm down bro. I mean like...."

"Mhm. Like what?"

"I don't know why I don't love him. Or I don't think I do. Or I might. I don't know J. Help me!"

"Well baby sis, that's something only you can answer."

"But like, I feel like I might. But I don't know."

"What's holding you back?"

"Fear."

"What are you fearing?"

"Getting hurt..."

"Well to be honest, I think you do love him. But you're only problem is admitting the fact that you love him. Now I'm not pressuring you to love him. But only you know how you feel... And however you feel impacts your decisions. I'm your older brother, I may influence your decisions, but I don't make them for you. I love you, but that is something you need to consider for yourself."

He then walked out of the kitchen. I ran upstairs, put on my jogger and my MSFTS hoodie. I grabbed my skateboard. I had to get out. I plugged in my ears with my headset, walked out the door, and boarded down the Ave. Anything to clear my mind and just think. What was I gonna do?

All of these thoughts just continued to flood my mind. Did I love him? Did I not? I did want to be with him. I knew that for a fact. But, it's like I was trying not to get hurt. And I felt as though, if I told him I love him, I'd just get hurt again. There were so many factors. Whenever he told me he loves me, I'd always shut him down. And I knew I could possibly lose him, but he remained persistent. For some strange reason, he just refused to let go. But I think I know why.