PS I H8 U!

11. Clarity (M)

Lisa was getting ready for her date with Jungkook. She dressed not too fancy but neither too casually. All the while she had a nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach that this wasn't right, that it wasn't what she really wanted. She ignored the little voice in her head as she focused on putting on some makeup. She didn't like too much makeup, she preferred natural look, and it seems it worked for her just fine. Finally she put her hair up, and she was ready to go. She glanced at the clock, It was almost 8 p.m. Jungkook would pick her up soon.

She tightened the coat around her since it was getting really cold outside, winter was definitely coming.
Jungkook arrived soon, getting out of his Porsche to greet her. They got in quickly and drove off to the restaurant. Jungkook made some last minute reservations for them, at some semi-fancy place. Lisa was becoming agitated with herself, because she couldn't help but think about Jennie. It seemed that the brunette was the only thing on her mind nowadays.

Jungkook was trying to keep the conversation light and to engage her, but all her responses were half-hearted and forced. She pushed her food around her plate distantly, stuck in her weird mindset. If Jungkook noticed anything he didn't say it, but he kept being all sweet and patient with her. She lost her appetite completely as guilt stabbed her in the gut.

I am so horrible to him, I should at least try. He deserves that much, Lisa convinced herself as she forced a smile. I never had to force smiles before, it came to me naturally as breathing and now...

"Let's get out of here Jungkook." she told him causing him to perk up at her sudden mood change. I have to at least try, Lisa thought as she stood from the table and grabbed Jungkook's hand. He followed her, his face lightening up with a smile. Lisa kissed him intensely, and whispering in his ear seductively "Are your parents home?"

***

Damnit... How didn't I realize this before? Lisa lay in her bed softly sobbing in her pillow. Her fingers were clutching the pillow tightly as her tears soaked it. She didn't stop crying since Jungkook dropped her off.
The realization hit her like a ton of bricks and at the worst possible moment.

"I love you Lisa." Jungkook whispered to her passionately as he was about to reach his peak. She just stared at his facial contours in the darkness of his room, not able to utter a sound. She thought sleeping with him would make it all better, would get her out of her head, but it wasn't working. That uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach only intensified, beads of cold sweat breaking out on her body, and her heart racing from the panic.

"I love you too Kookie..." she barely whispered, as tears prickled in the corner of her eyes. 'I do, I love him, but not like I love her..'. Realization hit her hard, hit her forcefully, kicking the breath out of her chest.
She denied it to this moment, but not anymore.

All the while Jungkook was touching her she thought how wrong it is. How his hands are not as delicate as hers, his lips not as soft and delicious, his touches not making her body feel as if lit on fire. She was having sex with him but she was longing, she was aching for her lips, her touches, her warm feminine body...for Jennie.

Lisa excused herself soon after, barely managing her tears at bay. Jungkook repeatedly asked her if she was alright, but what could she tell him? That she fell in love with a girl, and not any girl, Jennie Kim for that matter, the girl who hated her, who wanted her for God knows what reason, that she betrayed him for probably an unrequited love, love that will break only her heart in the process. But she couldn't tell him that, how could she? So in the end she did the only thing she could, she lied.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I am just not feeling well. Sorry for ruining our night."

"It's fine. Get better babe." Jungkook pecked her gently, and walked her to the door of her building.