Remember Me

Chapter 35

Ashley's POV:

I threw dirt on his casket as i helped my siblings throw their tiny dirt as well. They barely knew him, at least to my knowledge as he barely spoke to them. He always spoke on how he never wanted kids, how we were a burden to him.

Most people would cry after losing their father, but for some reason i can't find the strength to cry once we finally reach the point of his burial. I looked around i saw Felipe, some classmates including my teachers and principle. They all gave me their condolences and i know I'm supposed to be grateful, for their contribution but instead all i feel is anger.

Half of everyone that came, barely knew my name. In fact half of my bullies are shown here right now. Now all a sudden when my father dies, they want to win some sympathy votes to show how much a good citizen they are.

They don't care, it could have been anyone in that grave. Maybe even me, they would probably post pictures of my picture day photos they just discovered in their inventory. And their captions would be "rest in peace, you had such a kind soul and amazing energy when you came into the classroom".

Complete bullshit.

All I did was fake a smile and accept their flowers that could probably pay off my rent. Accept their sudden follows on my social medias that i don't even use anymore. I just wanted to go home, and forget about everything. Most importantly i wanted to forget how i felt knowing that she didn't show up. I know I'm being selfish getting mad that she didn't show, even when i told her to leave me alone.

She could have at least tried more. I know im probably the most selfish, hypocritical, ignorant and worst person to ever live, but she somehow brings out the best in me.

I'm still trying to figure out how she can still see good in me. I never believed in love, mostly from my parent's on-off relationships. How most of the guys and girls broke up with me once they realized i wasn't worth loving but she didn't.

Which scared every single nerve in my body. I didn't want to accept my feelings for her but once i did everything changed for me. I started to find joy in life, for the first time in a while. Wish is why i had to let her go, she started becoming my reason to live. I shouldn't put my life into anyone's responsibility giving them a reason to treat me like a lost puppy.

I am my own person, my own responsibility even when she owns my heart. I was afraid to admit what i was feeling for her was stronger than any feeling i ever had before with anyone.

I never knew how it felt having butterflies in your belly when that one person just looked at you until i met her. I used to think she was just this rich girl who would use anyone to get what she wants, but i was so wrong.

She was so much more than that. She makes me laugh, smile and even cry. She brings out emotions that i never thought i had. She comforts me when i know i need it but i can't express it. She entered my world and still accepted me.

She...loves me for me and i... i love her. I love her and that scares me so much that's why when she almost said it, it would have meant that these feeling i have for her are as strong as her feelings for me.

After the burial, i drop the kids to daycare and without knowing i found myself at her door. I just drove, and my heart lead me to her. I felt my heart quicken as if i could hear my own heart beat.

What if she rejects me? What if i missed my chance for a great love? What if she realizes that I'm not worthy of her? It would explain why she didn't show, and i wouldn't blame her.

I let my judgment get the best of me, i should go. Yes i should, i should let her finally escape the life she doesn't deserve. I turn around and walk down the steps until i hear the door open.

I felt my heart stop, for a second before i turned to her. She stared at me like i was a ghost. I walk up the steps and almost smiled from her familer scent. She seemed different though her face seemed paler.

''How are you? How was the funeral?''

She knew about the funeral. So she just chose not to come. ''People showed up. Teachers, some classmates even the school janitor. Everyone was there but you''

Her eyes got watery as she sniffed and wipe her eyes. ''I'm sorry, you said you wanted space'' she's right i did want space but wanted space from the world. Not her.

''You're right, and i- i came here to thank you for respecting my wishes'' why did i just say that?

She looked at me in a confused look. ''You came all the way here which is an hour away from your house. To say thank you?'' She asked. I can't bury feelings down anymore.

''no, i didn't come here to say that''

''I- want you to hear me okay? I don't know how to express emotions well and when i do the words never come out the way i want them to'' her lips trembled as i spoke. I felt my eyes getting more watery as tears started to drip down.

''You-you were the first person that thought i was enough. Even on many occasions i have tried to make you not believe i was not worth saving yet you still found a way to save me. You made me start to feel again, which scares me more than death. I have never...'' i felt more heart get heaver as i tried to say the three words that i have never said before in my life.

She shakes her head as tears fell down her cheek. ''You have to go'' she said as her voice broke. ''No, because what scares me the most is that I LOVE YOU''

Her eyes widen as she wiped down her tears. ''Why are you doing this to me?'' She asked and i felt my heart break. ''You told me not to say it, so i didn't and now when it's on your own time it's okay to say it. I tried so hard to move on and forget you, but you always find a way to come back'' she said as her eyes got red.

I knew i shouldn't have said it. I'm such a fool. I felt tears drop to my face uncontrollably. She walks over to me as i felt my breathing becoming shallow. She wipes my tears as i touched her hand feeling her warmth. She presses her lips on my forehead.

She lets go of me. ''Please don't let me go, i- I love you'' she walked back into her house as i heard her cry.

''Lily'' i tried walking up to her, but she closed the door. I pressed my hand on her door wanting her to let me in. ''I- I know i messed up, I know... please give me one more chance. I will do better''

I messed up. I messed up the only good thing in my life right now. ''You.. Have to leave. Please'' she said from the other side and i slammed my hand on the door. ''Why are you doing this to me? i spoke my heart for you for the first time and you just close the door on me? I- HATE YOU. I hate you for making me feel again, i hate you for making me love you. P- PLEASE open the door''

She doesn't respond for what felt like hours until she said ''I'm sorry. You have to let me go'' i couldn't hold my tears anymore as i begin to cry out in tears. I did this to myself.