The Adventures of Professor Schlotheim

1

Sex, murder, technology.

January the 1st, 1845. 

John Tawell, a Quaker and pharmacist, visits his mistress and a former nurse to his children, Sarah Hart in Salt Hill, Berkshire. After having sex with her, he poisons the woman by adding prussic acid to her beer (one of the first cases in criminal history when this substance was used as a means of murder, we may thank a couple of prominent scientists for discovering this murdering chemical), then hurriedly leaves the town for London (first known homicide case when the criminal flees the scene of the crime by a railway train, the most technologically advanced means of transport at the time), and shortly after his arrival at Paddington Station is arrested just because his description, being sent through the recently installed electric telegraph, reached the capital far faster than he did (definitely the first person to be arrested as the result of telecommunications technology). In due time John Tawell is tried, found guilty and hanged.

Nowadays.

I, Professor Gene Schlotheim, have always been playing around with science, technology and sex, both for gain and loss, more for gain, of course. But this time I had screwed things up in the worst way possible. Nothing could rectify my blunder, now that my laboratory was being furiously trashed, all the equipment ostentatiously smashed with baseball bats, all the experimental animals mercilessly shot down with silenced guns and all my recent scientific work destroyed for good. It seemed I was doomed like John Tawell. Sex and technology.

One of the five thugs relentlessly ravaging my holy of holies, a bald, brawny man, tossed his bat on the floor, walked up to me and shoved a smartphone into my hand.

"Boss will talk to you," he barked at my face.

On the screen there appeared the face of Igor Petrin, a Russian tycoon, who has always been closely associated with Russian organised crime and the Kremlin money laundering.

"What did you do to my wife?" he roared at me.

"Nothing," I murmured, "I did nothing but implant that chip in her body. The thing we agreed upon months ago. Don't you remember?"

"I remember everything, you fucking mad scientist!"

Yes, it's true that some people consider me a mad scientist and call my work a weird research.

Growing up in a small town, I had two friends, Mike and George, and all three of us dreamed of becoming scientists. Mike was fascinated by the mysteries of distant stars and planets, and always wanted to explore the infinite world that began just beyond the Earth's atmosphere. Every starry night it was impossible to pull him away from his amateur telescope, through which he used to watch the cosmos from the open window of his room.

George was interested in a completely different world, the world of the smallest organisms that inhabit our planet. He would sit for hours poring over his microscope and peering into the world of miniature creatures - all those microbes, bacteria and amoebas. It was this amateur curiosity of Mike and George that gradually, over the years, turned into serious scientific research.

I had neither a telescope, nor a microscope, but I didn't need such equipment. I was in the habit of watching the opposite sex in puris naturalibus. That is, in case you don't know Latin, I liked to peep at naked girls. I also liked watching copulating insects, slugs and suchlike creatures. Yeah, a weird research it was, indeed. 

Nevertheless, I eventually became a scientist, too, and to make a long story short, it were those odd hobbies of my childhood that led me to my brilliant discoveries and inventions later on. One of them was this unique microchip. To create it, I had conducted hundreds of experiments on female animals of various species. I finally found a solution to my task and the results were staggering. The female orgasm was augmented manifold! It is well known that the female orgasm is longer, deeper and more sensual than the male one, but with my microchip it reached cosmic heights, or oceanic depths, and developed a unique range of indescribable sensations and feelings in the female body.