𝐒𝐀𝐌 & 𝐁𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐘 : 𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔

27; Paradise and Poison

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Their car rolled up lazily in front of the apartment building. Bucky couldn't help but hold his breath, eyes staring painfully at the entrance. That was supposed to be his home. He was supposed to feel good here. Buck had never felt this way before; unwillingness to step inside his apartment.

It had always been a safe haven. A place to hide when the world felt like a hurricane, twisting all around him and trapping him in place.

He thought of his bed; cold, lonely, laying on the bare floor. Bucky would miss the quilt he slept under with Sam. He'd miss waking up, and turning to gaze at the most beautiful face he'd ever seen.

Bucky would miss his touch. Heated nights, hands groping and squeezing him close. Steamy showers and warm arms wrapping around him, enveloping him with love.

Love.

Sam's large hand sank forward, to place on his knee.

" Do you ever think... We'll know peace?" Bucky whispered quietly, his eyes dancing over Sam's strong features.

Sam's brow cocked, leaning forward to press their foreheads together, a deep breath entering his lungs.

" I just feel like, no matter what," Bucky continued. His eyes snapped away as he tried to gather the words. " They'll still need us. The world will always need us, even when we can't help ourselves."

" James."

" I know, I know. We had a good time together but.."

Sam stroked his brown hair. Fingers slid along silky locks, and hands cupped the back of his pretty head. As their eyes met, he could see all that worry stir back inside Bucky.

" Take a deep breath," Sam hushed. He leaned forward, the beautiful mix of essential oils and lotion burning into Bucky's sense. Big hands worked down the back of his neck, until he laid his palm flat between his lover's shoulder blades. As Bucky sighed into him, he dropped his voice to a whisper: "James.. the world will always need heroes, but all I need, is you."

Bucky didn't respond, his eyes closed slow. It reminded Sam of Alpine, the way she stared at him with only slots for eyes and purred away like the rev of an engine..

" What is this really about?"

Again, Bucky was quiet.

" Nothing is going to take you away from me.. I promise."

No answer.

Sam studied his face, and realized quickly that Bucky was shutting down. After all this work, after all the love they had poured into eachother, his lover was silent. Was it fear? Was it realization? Was this a reckoning?

" James, please say something."

" I have a bad feeling.."

♡ : ♡

Bucky stared at the phone, buzzing against the floor. He sat still on his mattress, and his back against the wall.

No need to have a bed with a frame if you weren't meant to stay around for long, right?

He was missing it, though. Sam's bed. Bucky missed the quilt grandma Wilson had spilled all her love into, he longed to feel the scratchy hand-knitted throws along his skin, he begged for a family dinner..

So long on his own that he forgot what it felt like to be surrounded by love. Well, if Bucky ever felt real love with his family. They were different. He didn't talk to his dad much, never hugged or said 'I love you'. Not because his dad didn't mean it, but, because he was working all the time.