defenceless (Complete)

I

After finishing my first mission, I wanted nothing more than to run to Harry, tell him everything. 

I wish things could have happened differently, but I did what I had to. I know if he knew everything, he'd support me unconditionally. He always does. 

He's living with the boys again. It's a good thing, of course. But I can't stay with him while he's with them. Every now and then I'm watching and our eyes meet. He stares and then shakes his head and keeps up with his life. 

It breaks my heart seeing him so upset. 

I didn't want his life to stop just because I ended mine. 

But I can't help but watch him. I need to. I need to see one day that he's okay. I need to know he's okay. 

Additionally, I could never leave. The moment I saw him - years ago - I was drawn in. The moment I realized I loved him, I knew I'd always love him. It breaks me to hurt him, and I wish more than anything that I could make that hurting stop. 

"Hey, are you okay?" I ask, his eyes water as they meet mine. 

"You're not real," he says, a tear falling down his cheek, and I force a smile. 

"I'm sorry. I love you, I don't mean to hurt you," I tell him honestly, and he whimpers ever so slightly. 

"I love you too. It's not your fault," he replies, his voice breaking. I wish I could tell him the full truth. 

"I'm sorry for haunting you. I know you deserve to be left alone, I just..." I trail off, not entirely knowing what to say to him. 

"I'll be okay," he says with a reassuring hand placed on my shoulder and gentle smile that fails to reach his eyes. 

"I come running to you like a moth to a flame, and I can't help it. I'm sorry," I try to smile at him, though it only results in a tear running down my cheek. 

"It's okay, Lou. It's all okay."