defenceless (Complete)

III

I hate everything my life has become. The missions, bending the truth with Harry. 

He's getting better. Which ultimately means we're spending less time together. I hate waking up without him, going to sleep without him. I'm doubting the things I've done at this point. It was always my dream but... Was it worth letting Harry go for? 

I enjoy the missions, I do, and I don't mind the people I work with. But I don't like the circumstances. I don't like the things I had to do. 

Needless to say, Harry's getting better, and my world is falling apart. 

I'm glad he's happy, I really am. But I don't like seeing him so okay without me. I'm not okay without him, and he's... he's fine. 

"I miss how things were," he says as we sit at our bench in the park. It's the first time I've seen him this week. 

"I know, me too. This... this is how it has to be though," the words hurt as I say them. I wish there was another way for things to be, I don't like how they are. 

"Honestly, I just... I miss it all. I miss sitting with the boys, all five of us. Four feels... wrong," he says, laying his head on my shoulder, and I run my fingers through his hair. 

"I know, love. I'm sorry everything's the way it is," I tell him, he sighs, pushing himself further into me. 

"Stop apologizing for it. It's okay, just have to get used to it. I just wish it didn't change, I wish it wasn't so hard to adapt to," he replies, and I leave a soft kiss on his forehead. 

"Yeah, part of me wishes I could just... stay away. That's how it's supposed to be. I wish I didn't need so much of you."