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" and it was just so unfair, because no one was there for me, but i had to be there for everyone. "
" hi everyone! it's me, i'm ahnjung. welcome to the first episode of ahnjung's diary, welcome to the beginning of an era. mhm, i said it. uh anyways, in this episode, i'm gonna talk about my childhood.
guys, so guys, guys listen, okay. so basically, ahnjung's diary is different. different how? i don't have a script. like i can do anything and i can say anything. it doesn't matter. i don't plan what i'm gonna say beforehand, i just say whatever i think of. so like it's.. it's kind of free? like it's open minded.
so, this episode is about my childhood.
my childhood was like, i mean, i don't know how to describe it. it was lonely. yeah, lonely. that's the word. i was.. i was neglected as a child. this is getting a little dark but uh, yeah i'm just being legit.
i was neglected as a child. i was the oldest sibling, the oldest child, i was expected to just do everything on my own. no matter what it was, all i had was myself.
i was always left out on everything, i was like a misfit, i was always excluded from everything and i think, i think that really traumatised me.
like, i'm not saying my parents abused me, but it just always felt like they.. like it just felt like they did it on purpose. it's like they intentionally left me out.
they never let me play with my sisters. ruhan and myeongji always played with their dolls and their dollhouses together while i just watched. i think because i was the oldest daughter, my parents wanted me to study hard. so like, everyday after school, i just went home, showered, ate and studied.
it was like that for a long, long time.
i hated it, honestly. if i had to be completely honest, it was just miserable. i didn't feel happy at all. it just felt like torture. i was lucky enough to have a three story house and annual family vacations, but for some reason, it still felt like torture.
i sound ungrateful, but i hated my life when i was young. i know there are children without parents, i know there are children without houses, but i just hated everything around me.
i don't know, it just.. it felt like.. it was just painful. no one was there for me, i had to cry in silence if i wanted to cry. even if i wanted to eat, i had to cook for myself. i was just six years old. my mom never cooked for me. if she cooked breakfast, she wouldn't cook any for me. if she cooked lunch, i wouldn't get any food. if she cooked dinner, there was only enough for her, my dad and my sisters.
