Obsession // Ashtray

9

I wake up to the sound of my phone alarm beeping. "Fuck," Ash mumbles picking up my phone and groaning even more. "Nyah, it's fucking 7 am," he irritatedly states turning it off. "Sorry Ash, I gotta get ready for school," I apologise. "Shit I forgot clothes, I'm going thru your wardrobe," and I hear a hum from Ash who's still in bed. I walk to Fez and Ash's grandma's room quickly and quietly. I hope she doesn't wake up because that would be fucking awkward. I look in the draws for some underwear and find a pair in an unopened packet. It was a size too small but at least it's unused so I can't really complain. I walk back to Ash's room and see he fell asleep and I laugh softly, he looks so calm when he's sleeping, like the concentrated or mad face he usually has is no longer on his face. I scan his clothes and find a tight striped shirt, sweatpants and put on the sneakers I was wearing the night before. I check the time and see I have an hour before school starts.

After showering and changing into the clothes I picked out I go to the kitchen to find something to eat. I find some cereal boxes in a cupboard and see a bunch of sugary cereal and Weetabix,", "Weetabix it is," I smile at the familiar box but it quickly drops as I see a gun in there. "You know what... I'll eat at school," I mutter to myself shoving the gun and then the cereal box quickly in the cupboard. I take my phone off the charger and walk out the back after writing a note to Ash next to his phone "went to school, I gotta prep for ice skating rn so I can't come over but txt me x". I thought the x was cringey but it's too late to change it now. It takes me approximately 6 songs before I get to school. I freeze a bit before walking through the doors and avoiding everyone's gaze. Staying at Ashtray's totally made me forget that everyone still thought I was missing. "Nee Nee," Cassie squeals in relief.. fake relief but nonetheless bringing me in for a hug. She's so bizarre, acting as if I can't see through her facade but anyways. And the fucking nickname?? Do I look like a dog? I think, internally rolling my eyes. "Oh hey Cassie," I smile and continue walking in the direction of my locker.

"Nyah? Girl where the fuck have you been," I see Maddi and Kat look at me in shock. I laugh lightly, "all will be revealed," I give them a small smile and hug them both. They are some bad bitches, when I grow up I wanna be just like them. "Well you have like 3 days and if I don't get your cryptic message I'm breaking doors down to get my answer," going her signature Maddy look and walks away. "Hey Rue," I see her staring at the ground so she probably would've walked past. "Shit. Oh hey Nyah," I'm not gonna lie she didn't look great, "You straight, Rue?" Maybe relapsing was a bad idea. "Just going clean for Jules. You good tho? you just dipped for real," she looks up at me. "Yeah, I just don't really want to talk about it. Shit happened with my mum though, I moved into my cousins' house," I nibble on the inside of my lips and frown a little. Was today just going to be questions about where I've been? Bit triggering.

"Fuck, that shit never ends well, but I got to get to class. Text me after this period." She runs off and I notice no one is in the hallway anymore. Class probably started halfway through me n Rue's interaction. As I check my timetable to see what lesson I have I smile at the act that it's food and hospitality line day. (means cooking class for the whole day). Maybe it's the fact that after my dad died and mum became a bitch but I had to cook for myself which started becoming very therapeutic for me. When I walk into class about 20 minutes late I feel a buzz in my pocket. "Hey Nyah, how are you holding up," my teacher Miss Olive asks meaning some McKay ratted me out to the teachers. "Yeah I'm okay, still a bit shaky," I look at her with my best sad doe eyes hoping to get out of theory work which surprisingly doesn't fail. "Oh of course dear, take all the time you need to feel better. We're doing a lot of cooking today, did you wanna cook? You can choose your partner," sympathy fills her eyes.

I ended up choosing Roy and Gia since the numbers were odd... didn't feel like cooking with them unseasoned ones. "Nyah? Oh my god I thought you were dead," Gia says and Roy nudges her as if to say shut up. "Wait, Roy did you know?" she looks at him and he nods calmly. "Before you ask what happened, the news will tell you before I say it to be fucking honest," I laugh dryly and look at the recipe. She looked so confused but didn't press any further which i am grateful for. I didn't like the thought of speaking about it... I wasn't ready yet. We were making San Choy Bow which I actually love, "Ion know what the fuck we're supposed to do," Roy scratches his head with a face full of confusion. "Maybe start with getting the ingredients dumbass," I shove him lightly and he sets off to the pantry and fridge for the ingredients. When he comes back start julienning the vegetable except the lettuce and Gia starts making the sauce.

TW: kind of graphic talk on a death

"Wait Thing 1, take over I totally forgot someone texted me," I pull out my phone and see Roy sighing because it was onions. Chris texted me saying he'd pick me up and take me shopping for skating. I was nervous, the last time skated was with my dad. I liked that my memories were him pulling me slowly onto the ice and leading around. Even though I love my dad wholeheartedly we didn't have much in common, but ice skating was our shared love. I never talk about my dad's death because it angers me. He had an aneurism in his splenic vein and lost half his body weight in blood. The doctors said it was a defect from birth where he had a weak spot and the veined skin was thinning until it burst. I sent Chris an "okay bestie 💌💘💙💗❤💛💞💚💖💜💓💕" and put my phone away. I look up and see burnt onions, "how the fuck did you already burn something??" I laugh putting the dangerously hot pain in the sink full of cold water.

The day was slow-moving for sure. It was about 1pm and me and Rue were hanging out at lunch. I don't know where the blonde Jew girl was but I wasn't complaining. "Nyah you got any on you," she gives me doe eyes then looks around a bit frantically. "Nah I haven't really done anything since the party," I frown in shock, had it really been that long since I did drugs? "Do you think you could-" "I thought you wanted to be clean?" I shift my body and frown a little. I'm really starting to worry about Rue, I feel like I encouraged her too much. "Jules says we can't be friends if I do drugs," she sighs rubbing her face. "We'll if your doing it just for Jules-" "you know what? It's fine forget it," she get us and leaves with visible frustration. I was about to go after her when I feel my phone vibrating and see Chris calling me. "Yo Nyah, I'm not fucking with college right now so I'm on my way to pick you up and drop you at the mall. Cool? Cool." And he hangs up.

That was weird.