Abandoned

Chapter 8

Madeline POV

I sneezed again as I walked into the library.

I probably had a fever. My whole body hurt. Every time I swallowed, it felt like I was swallowing razors. My lungs hurt every time I took a breath.

“Hi, Madeline.” Anna said, keeping her eyes on the papers in front of her.

Anna worked at the library. She was a middle-aged woman who loved books more than anything else in the world.

I loved Anna more than anything else in the world because she gave me a job. I wouldn’t starve. I would be able to buy necessities, and maybe even put some money aside for something else.

We agreed that I would work a few hours every day after school and four hours on Saturday. It was perfect. I wouldn’t have to spend the entire weekend in my tent.

“Hi, Anna.” I said, giving her a small smile.

My voice came out all weird and raspy. It hurt to talk.

Anna’s eyebrows furrowed, and she looked up at me.

“Are you okay, sweetie?” she asked worriedly.

She was so kind and warm. It wasn’t something I was used to, but it was something I liked. I wished that more people in my life were like Anna. Did I really deserve to be abused my whole life? Did I really deserve to be left on the side of the road?

I always wondered what I did to make my parents leave me like that. I tried so hard to remember them. I tried so hard to remember what I did. I couldn’t. Nothing came to mind. I couldn’t remember my parents. I couldn’t remember their faces.

The only memories I had from before were of two boys. I remembered them smiling at me. I remembered them reaching out to me with their chubby hands. I remembered how I hugged them. I had no idea who they were. I had no idea if the memory was even real. Maybe I imagined them. It wasn’t impossible. I was always so lonely. Maybe I imagined them so I would feel better.

“I am okay, Anna.” I said, giving her a small smile. “It’s just a cold.”

Anna looked me up and down.

“Are you sure, Madeline?” she asked. “Maybe you should go home and lie down. You don’t look too good.”

I would only be worse in my cold tent. It was warm here in the library. It was so much better than my “home”.

“No, it’s okay.” I smiled. “What can I do to help?”

Anna sighed and gave me a small nod.

“Please put the returned books back on the shelves.” she told me. “But if you need to go home, just tell me, okay?”

I nodded, and she gave me a warm smile.

“Would you like a tea, Madeline?” she asked as she stood up. “It will do you good.”

My heart melted, and I felt tears at the corners of my eyes.

“Yes, please.” I said, trying to stop my voice from breaking. “Thank you so much, Anna.”

“Oh, sweetie, no need to thank me.” she said as she walked away toward the small kitchen in the back. “I will be right back.”

I held back my tears and walked toward the pile of returned books.

The afternoon flew by, and before I knew it, it was time for me to go back to my tent.

I dreaded it. It was so cold and wet. I dreaded leaving the library and going back.

“Madeline, sweetie, take this with you.” I heard Anna’s voice as I was putting on my jacket.

I turned around and saw her standing behind me with a thermos in her hand.

“It’s tea.” she said with a small smile on her face. “It will keep you warm until you get home.”

My heart clenched painfully, and I had to do everything in my power not to cry.

I took the thermos from her hand, giving her the warmest look I could possibly give.

“Thank you so much.” I said, trying to stop my voice from breaking. “I will wash the thermos and bring it back to you tomorrow.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that, sweetie.” Anna said, giving me a small smile. “You just go home and get into your warm bed.”

I smiled back at her.

I didn’t have a home. My bed wasn’t warm. It wasn’t even a bed. It was an old sleeping bag I stole from my foster parents.

“Goodbye, Anna.” I said. “I will see you tomorrow.”

“Goodbye, sweetie.” Anna said, turning around and walking to her desk.

I rushed out of the library because the tears finally fell out of my eyes.

I held onto the thermos as hard as I could. I didn’t want to lose it. I didn’t want to lose its warmth.

After a short walk, I was back in my cold tent. I didn’t even pay attention as I walked. I didn’t even pay attention to my surroundings. I couldn’t. The fever was making it impossible for me to focus. I was just hoping that no one saw me enter the shelter.

I took my clothes off and put on a pair of old sweats I used for sleeping. I grabbed my thermos and got into the sleeping bag.

It was so cold. I was so cold.

My whole body was trembling.

I opened the thermos and took a small sip of warm tea. It helped a little, but the warmth disappeared soon.

I laid down and covered my trembling body the best that I could. I curled up into a little ball, trying to stay warm.

A tear fell on my cheek.

What did I ever do to deserve this? Why didn’t my parents want me? Did they have any other children? Was I too much for them?

What did I do?

I was only four when they left me. What could a four-year-old do that is so terrible? What could I have done to deserve to be left on the side of the road?

I wondered where my parents were right now. I wondered who they were. I wondered if they ever thought about me. I wondered if they remembered me.

I could feel the fever increasing. The trembling only got worse.

I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.