I sat feeling numb in my bed. I felt so many emotions but numbness is the one that inevitably prevailed.
Everything just felt so dumb. I was surrounded by people who loved me but I still felt so alone.
The only way to describe what I'm feeling is to say you have a wound, for example, a bruise on your arm. The bruise always hurts a bit, but you manage. One day, you look at that bruise, and you press on it. It hurts a lot, but you think that if you press hard enough that the pain will stop. One day after pressing hard enough you think it all will stop. Then you wonder why it doesn't.
That's how I feel. Except I'm not the one pressing on the wound. Typically I am. This time, it was the world. Every little thing has such a ripple effect and it's only gonna be so long before I break.
I had been pretending I was fine for so long, and my mind eventually convinced me that I was. Until I wasn't.
I took a spoon to the half-baked Ben & Jerry's on my lap. I know I would feel guilty for eating later, but I didn't have it in me to care. I was strong for so long and I just needed something.
Brielle was on her way to see Matteo. Kylie and Izzie were on their way to see me. I still hadn't told them what happened. I didn't want to either, but I knew I'd have to.
I stared at the empty container and immediately wanted to cry. I knew I would feel like this, but I did it anyway.
I sighed defeatedly and walked to the bathroom.
In the middle of my forcing myself to throw up, I heard a door in the distance. I figured it was Brielle, considering she lived closest.
Oh, how wrong I was.
Within seconds the door to the bathroom was being opened, just as I spewed out the last of the evidence. I felt an unfamiliar comfort holding my hair and rubbing circles onto my back.
The contentment I felt was foreign. I wanted to cry again but instead began choking on air.
"It's okay Faye," Charlie sounded, "breathe."
I felt the first of many tears down my face. I leaned against the wall and covered my face with my hands.
I felt ashamed. Ashamed to let him see me like this. Vulnerable. Afraid.
He took my hands away from my face and grabbed a piece of toilet paper to wipe the remanence off my face. I winced in embarrassment. He flushed the toilet and pulled me up so we could walk to my bed.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Charlie asked softly. I shook my head and he seemed to understand.
"He cheated on me," I whispered, forcing myself not to cry again. I was done with tears. I wanted to let it go, and show him I was the bigger person, but he left me feeling smaller than I did when he found me.
He sat next to me and wrapped his arms around him. Another tear rolled down my cheek and I mentally scolded myself.
"Why are you here?" I asked after moments of silence.
"Kai told me you two broke up. He didn't say why so I figured he screwed something up. I was right. I wish I wasn't." He muttered the last part to himself, but I heard it.
"I'm sorry," I didn't know why I was apologizing but I was over apologetic and it felt right.
I felt him shake his head.
My eyes get heavy. I'll close them for a couple of seconds
It wasn't a couple of seconds.
*********
I stirred in my sleep hearing the voices from a couple of feet away from me. I was laying on my pillow again.
"Let her sleep," a male voice sounded.
"Is she okay? Why are you here? Are you guys in some secret romance we don't know about? I'll kill her."
Definitely Izzie.
"Izzie, calm down," Kylie, "Charlie, is she okay?"
"She and Kai broke up. You can ask why when she wakes up. It's not my place to tell. She's exhausted so try not to bombard her with too many questions. I'm here because Kai told me they broke up and I wanted to make sure she was okay. No, we are not in some secret romance, I have no idea where that came from but we are not as close as you think we are. I don't even know her favorite color."
"Pink!" Kylie said enthusiastically.
"Probably purple," Izzie decided to put in her input.
Out of all people I would have never guessed my ex's best friend. "Green would be my guess."
Call me basic, but forest green always seemed to cheer me up. Pink was too bright and hurt my eyes. Purple was too depressing. Green made me think about nature and all the wonders of the outside world.
"Probably not," Izzie countered.
I didn't think I would fall back asleep after this and began to peel myself from the covers.
"It's awoken," Kylie announced.
I stared back at the three. They all seemed tense.
"What's your favorite color?" Izzie blurted.
"Forest green."
"Ha!" Charlie laughed, "I won! I'm leaving now."
I tried my best to smile but didn't have it in me.
"So..." Kylie dragged out, "what happened."
And that was what brought me to tell them the story—the full story.
Safe to say that their jaws were on the floor by the end of it.
QOTD: How do you cope when you don't feel like yourself?
Word Count: 952
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Cover Girl
Roman pour Adolescents"I had always fit into people's standards. Perfect. People don't tell you how much it sucks to be perfect. They expect happiness. They expect a put-together life, but my life was anything but happy and put-together. Some days were great, but mo...
