Spencer Reid and MGG Imagines

Secret (Part 2)

(SPENCER'S POV)

It had been seven months, five weeks, two days, thirteen minutes, and eight seconds since she walked out on me.

But who's counting?

Ever since that day, she has not left my head. She clouds my thoughts and invades my dreams. Her voice, her smile, the way her face crinckled when I would talk about cases that involved children, and the way it would light up when she saw her best friends. I had met her friends a few times when they would come to the apartment to pick her up. We were out to her friends but not mine and that thought made me feel like gouging my eyes out and shrinking into a small ball in the corner of the room. That night, she had told me she loved me. I was so close to telling her I loved her too but when my mind flashed back to when she had told me how she grew up, how she always struggled with the way she looked, I couldn't put her in the position of being in a relationship with me. I couldn't give her stability, I couldn't live up to what she deserves. So, I said the harshest thing I could. Pushing her away was the only thing that made sense at the time. Telling her that what we had was just "fun" was the only thing that got me out of being the person she leans on. It's not like I don't want that, because I do. I want it every single day, every single second and knowing that she is somewhere out there, not being loved by me hurts more then any kind of punch to the face or gruesome thing thrown at me by a serial killer could. Seven months later, I know I was a coward, afraid of love and letting her down. Seven months later, I'm off my game and my job seems to be incredibly hard when Garcia is trying to give us background on a case and all I can think about is how much I miss her.

"Spencer!" My head whips around to find the teams staring in my direction, Morgan looking at me with concern. I look towards the person who had practically screamed my name from across the room, Hotch. He stands there, looking at me intently, before he resumes.

"Now that I have everyone's attention." He says, eyeing me, "I would like to introduce you to our newest agent. Fresh out of college with a degree in Psychology and Forensic Science. Reid, watch out, she might just take the spot for youngest agent at the BAU." Everyone chuckles, including me. "Everyone, please welcome Y/n Y/l/n."

My heart stops and my breath is stolen from my lungs. My palms begin to sweat and my mouth goes dry. There is no way it's her. It can't be.

My denial is proven wrong when I see the familiar y/h/c hair move behind the doors of the BAU and her face appears within milliseconds. It's really her. Her y/e/c, the smile, the sparkle in her eye, and the kindness radiating off her. She's here.

Hotch begins to introduce all of us and when he points to me, stating my name, our eyes lock for a fleeting second. Until, he moves onto Morgan, which is when she averts her eyes from mine and acts like, months ago, we weren't in the kitchen of my apartment dancing and laughing, getting distracted from what we originally went in there for, a midnight snack. I smile at the memory, the pain of having her so close to me yet so far away, evident and gut wrenching. Once the introductions are done, she smiles at everyone and waves shyly, like she always does when she's intimidated and nervous. Then, before I can say anything or take in her beauty one more time, she's gone. Following Hotch to his office and disappearing behind the door, leaving me standing in the middle of the bullpen, staring and lost. I stand there for a few more moments, still reeling from the fact that she is now, not only an ex-girlfriend, but a coworker as well. Morgan's hand breaks me from my trance and I turn around to see him and JJ looking back at me with mischievous grins.

"You like her, don't you?" Morgan taunts.

No, I don't like her. I'm drowning in the amount of love I have for her.

"Reid, better get that look off your face before the poor girl sees it and gets scared." JJ laughs

That hurts.