I couldn't even deal with funeral plans for my aunt so just decided on a memorial service. Cardo planned it all. I need Nala to keep me sane during this time. She makes me fight for my life when it constantly tells me to give up. Tonight we are having a little dinner before the memorial in the morning and I just wanted us to all remember good, happy times. I've begun the process of moving in with Cardo so that the state can sell the house again. I've almost been in San Diego for year and I've lost everything that was important to me before I left Bridgeport.
I invited Ray, Danny, Carlos, Katrina, and Danny. My nerves are at an all time high and I don't think I can stand anyone else. Cardo's workers have sent me flowers cards for my loss. I appreciate it.
I'm a little nervous about tonight though. I hope it can be civilized and decent. I'm making spaghetti and meat balls with garlic bread. I already made tea for everyone to drink. Kind of ironic considering some things that will be said tonight.
Nala is in her cradle with the swings on it. She doesn't like it as much as her stroller but she deals. I've really stepped up this past week after I got over the shock. I know my dad, My Mom, and Aunt would be proud of me.
Cardo has been gone ever since last night and he hasn't called me. Its now noon and still nothing. I don't want to accuse him of anything but I just don't think he's always at the trap. Maybe he's with that girl that who I saw him in the hall with. If he really wants me then he shouldn't have to go else where because I keep it tight for him and he should be able to do the same for me. I think I'm making major moves right now and I'm focusing on what's important. Tonight will be a sort of intervention for all of us. I just want everyone to be good so we can get through this together.
••••••••••••
Everyone is seated at the table eating and chatting in between. Katrina is really quiet but I know it's just because she's nervous. I would be too if I had to say what she has to. Danny has Nala feeding her a bottle while we all eat.
Cardo cannot keep his hands to himself. He's been rubbing my thighs since we sat down. He thinks I don't know what he's doing but it's not happening in front of all my friends and his friends. The doorbell rings and Cardo all but hops up in the air to get it.
A girls voice is yelling at him. I get up then.
All the boys hop up and try to restrain me. "I'm just going to take Nala up to her new nursery!" I assure them. I walk up the stairs and into Nala's room to change her. After that I sit in the rocking chair and I rock her to sleep. It's only 9:00 p.m. so she should get a good nights rest. She's starting to get on a little schedule.
After I put Nala in her crib I walk back downstairs to see Danny and Cardo arguing in the living room. Ray is trying to intervene but they are cutting each other off.
"Stop!" I yell. "This was supposed to a good night to help celebrate good memories."
Everything gets quiet.
"Why can't we do that?"
They all sit down in the living room and I sit in the love seat with Cardo.
"Can someone tell me what's wrong?" I look at them all while saying it.
"What's wrong, Ricky Bobby?" Danny asks.
"Not a damn thing." Cardo replied. I look at him as his leg shakes.
"Well if you aren't going to tell me then Katrina might as well lighten the mood up."
I look at Katrina and she nods her head.
She clears her throat and speaks. "Well looks like we're parents..." she pulls out her ultrasound pictures and she hands them to Ray. He takes it and his eyes widen at the sight. He looks at me and I nod then he looks at Katrina.
She's looks like she's fighting tears and Ray grabs her hand and kisses it. He still looks shocked but he's reacting well so far. "Looks like it." he laughs nervously. She nods and they share a hug.
"Congrats, I hope the baby looks like Kat though." Carlos said and we laughed. Cardo and Danny were still giving each other the death stare.
Suddenly banging on the door comes and yelling too. "Fuck that bitch!" She yells viciously and I get up to open the door. I wanna hear her say it to my face. Carlos grabs me then.
"Open the freaking door before she wakes the baby!" I yell at Cardo. When he doesn't move Danny goes and opens it. This is the same girl who was about to kiss him in the hall. She walks in like she owns the place.
"Where is she? I wanna whoop her ass." The girl says and that's when I realize this girl is here to fight me.
"Here I am bitch." I say while getting myself lose from Carlos. If it's a fight you want, a fight you'll get. The bitch had the nerve to laugh too. I leaped at her then punching her ass in the jaw twice. I grab her shirt to pull her closer to me but Danny grabs me. I have a good grip on her so I still beat her ass while Danny tries to pull me away.
I hear Nala crying and see Katrina going up the stairs. When Danny pulls me away I keep trying to get back to her. I want that bitch so bad right now. Cardo grabs my waist and I turn on him and start punching his chest as tears stream down my face. He grabs my hand and I try to break free but he has a good grip.
"Let me go!" I yell at him.
"Let me explain myself, I'm sorry."
"I hate you!" I scream at him. I rip my hands away from him and turn around. I fell to my knees my breath heaving from what just happened. I grab my heart because it feels like its falling apart. I try to breath evenly as I run up the stairs. I shut our room door and lock it. He tried banging on it but I stayed sitting on the floor wishing my mommy was there to hold me. Wishing my aunt would let me crawl in her bed like a baby. Wishing my daddy was here to preach to me about guys like this. They were all gone because of Sarah or should I say Satan. I've never been so glad I killed her until now.
