Waking up in his arms is something I'd like to do everyday. I know I can't though because today we need to talk. I hear Nala crying and I already know what she wants. When I walk in her room, I see her in her crib acting up.
"Awwww look at my baby. You must be wet? You want me to change you?" I coo to her as she answers me back in baby language. I laugh and lay her on her changing table as I proceed to change her. She smiles at me as I fix her bottle. She is chunky for 4 and a half months but I love her and all her chubbyness.
It's a cloudy day but I know the streets are hot. A lot of people are getting busted for drugs now. I know Cardo and the boys have to stay on their P's and Q's.
I also hope they stay safe and stop one day. I'm sick of all this dirty money and I'd die inside if one of them got caught or worse, got killed. It seems they all knew Cardo was cheating but they didn't say anything.
I know they've been friends with Cardo longer but I think they know wrong from right. I haven't spoken to any of them since it all went down.
After I feed and burp Nala I put her in the swinger in my room so I can take a shower. She loves Mickey Mouse so I put that on the TV and leave her in the room. I tap Cardo awake so he can watch her.
"Good Morning!" he said looking at me like I was supposed to say something to him.
"Morning." I say back looking annoyed. What else do I need to say to him?
"You want me to watch her?" he asks me while sitting up.
"Yeah, we gotta talk when I get out of the shower." I tell him while walking in the bathroom and locking the door. As I'm taking a shower I think about all the things I've forgiven Cardo for. He's said hurtful things, pushed me to the ground, and cheated. I think about his own Aunt stabbing him, she raised him. I think about what I did to her. I think about the pictures and how she planned to kill my mom in the crash.
As I get out and go in the room I see Nala in the bed with Cardo. He sits up with her tiny body in his arms. I clear my throat but no words come out. I honestly don't know if I can do it. Can I break up with him and then go back? What of I find someone new? What if he finds someone new? I've been with him for 8 whole months.
"We need a break." I tell him barely above a whisper. His mouth drops open and he looks up at me. I look away as I fight to stay strong.
"That's what you really want?" he looks shocked at my words.
No! "Yes." I answer him looking him in the eyes.
"A break?"
"Do you really want to held in a relationship?" I ask truthfully.
"I do. I made a mistake and I'm sorry. I won't do it again. I swear I won't." he said looking me straight in the eyes. I laugh at his promise.
"I'm tired of you being sorry." I explain thinking about how this will all work. I don't trust him at all.
"You giving up on me?"
"You gave up on yourself and our relationship."
"Out of all the people in the world, it's you."
"No, it's yourself."
"Nah just like my mom, my aunt, and my dad. You don't love me no more."
"That's not true. We're 17 and living together because of a lie. My parents and my aunt are gone because of the lifestyle you live. You gave up on yourself long before anyone ever did."
"That's why I need you, baby. You make me better. You make me whole. We gotta little family together. I need you." He says rocking Nala. "Nala needs a real family. Two parents together."
When he said that I felt horrible.
"You're right." I breathed.
"I know." he gets up and walks over to me bending to kiss me. I kiss him back and he tells me he loves me. I say it back and he walks out of the room with Nala. I breath loudly and I want to scream. I often wonder if he ever kissed her. If he ever went down on her like he does me. If he fucks her like he does me.
I have a Appointment with the admissions representative for the university I'm going to college at for 2 years. I don't know how Nala will act, so I think Cardo should take her.
"Cardo!" I yell his name walking into the bedroom. He walks in the bedroom again still holding the munchkin.
"Wassup?"
"Can you take Nala with you for the day?"
"Yeah what time you coming back?"
"At like 4:00 p.m."
"Okay."
I walk into my closet and pick out a tight pair of shorts and a button down onesie. I put them on and grab my black converses. Simple jewelry will have to work for today. I do my hygienic stuff and return to the living room to see Cardo sitting on the couch with Nala watching some baby cartoons. His eyes bug out at my outfit. I smile and keep walking to the laundry room to put my dirty clothes up. When I walk out Cardo stops me and pulls me back to him.
"What the hell you got on?" he gets in my face.
"A very cute outfit." I exclaim to him.
"Hell to the no you need to at least put on some pants!" he exclaims gesturing towards my shorts. I roll my eyes and put my hand In his face indicating for him to get out my face with all that.
"Controlling ass." I mumble.
"Whet?" he asks in a funny way I run when I feel him behind me. I grab my purse and phone charger from the room with him following. When I walk back down the stairs I grab Cardo's keys. I make sure Cardo and Nala are okay before pulling off down the street. I have to drive all the way to San Francisco to this college. I've heard a lot about it so I think it will be nice and in a decent city where I'm safe. They are offering a dance scholarship.
