Stein-The Early Days

Chapter 10

            I have observed in others that when they are angry, their link to rationality is severely impaired, if not completely severed.  Many of my test subjects, for example, shout at me about how much they are going to get me back for carving into their bodies.  If they were rational, they would hear the absurdity of their words: let me go so I can bash your head in.  My other favorite is when I'm running an experiemental sequence that happens to push their pain threshold.  The number of subjects who begin whimpering things like, "I wish I had never been born," is shocking.  Why would they wish they hadn't been born?  Would it make much more sense to wish that I, the one operating on them, was the one who hadn't been born?  So silly.  Not that any of that matters.  I always erase their memories of the experiments and replace the missing hours with a vague feeling of goodwill towards me.  I even had a test subject who would bring me cookies the next day.  The more involved the procedure I'd been testing, the more complex the cookie recipe.  My, I can still taste those oatmeal-raisin-cognac-espresso-thyme-heath bar-truffle-milk solids-cinnamon-nasturtium cookies.  I, of course, always remain firmly seated in my rational mind.  Emotions – those I actually acknowledge – do not distract me.  If anything, emotion gives me an even more stable grounding in my rationality.  Anger, for example, is like a thick post driven deep into the earth that my psyche can be leashed to.  This actually enables me to release my emotion – there's no way my anger is going to pull itself out, sticking to the metaphor – and focus even more tightly on the reality of my thoughts on the three whats of experience – what's going on, what's it mean, and what's I am going to do about it.  I've been told many times by small minds – miniscule minds, actually – that I have no emotion at all.  Ha!  They just cannot see how I have mastered my emotion, that I rule it rather than it ruling me.  I am in control of myself.  See?  I could think this without an exclamation point.  Others might think, "I am in control!"  The "!" gives away that, indeed, their excitement rules them.  Excitement, ah, there is my favorite emotion.  I do sometimes indulge in the fervor of the "!", of the flavor it brings to experience.  But I never let it rule.  It is not the main course of my mind but rather more like the caramel and chocolate sauce drizzled along the inside of the cup in which my frappuccino shall be crafted.  And that is why, even with a drill bit embedded in my head, that I am still in full and complete control of myself, that even with an Old One starting to tighten itself around my corporeal essence, I, Franken Stein, am not worried that my anger will take over and leave me irrationally helpless as my life and life experience as consumed as if a candy you suck in your left cheek – by no means am I so simple a delight for such a being, they have never consumed such a delectable as myself, and, what a shame for them, never shall, or, at least until I am one hundred and thirteen, unless a better means for going out presents itself – not worried at all for I am in control and I can be free of this situation at any moment I choose, for I am, indeed, the epitome of rationality.