Call me Gates

So Far Away

*Gates*

It isn't easy to talk about Mary specially since I never said goodbye and she died with us still apart and without talking, it's sad and I will always regret that. I should had never cut contact with her, if we kept talking I could have seen my daughter growing, well I would know I had a child even before she was born, me and Mary could been married, we could still live in this cozy house but now everything is lost and all I have left from Mary is her daughter, Dayana. 

-You loved her, it's not enough but that's all that matters.

I smile to the ground as Dayana talks

-I do, I really do and always will. 

                                                                                              ***

The guys already left and now it's just me and Dayana. My daughter. Never thought I'd be so happy saying that.

Instead of making Dayana move I talked with Michelle and we will be paying her house and studies. I can't make her move away from Mary's house and let some strange person live here, making memories on top of our own. We could be a family and I ruin that but I can't take the change of Dayana making a family of her own here just because she can't afford it. 

I look at her sitting on the floor playing with her dog besides me and smile, I can't make her leave this house. She already lost so much...

-Dayana, we need to talk - she looks  up to me - You won't be leaving with me. I want you to keep leaving here if that is what you want. This was Mary's house and always will be, she worked so much to make it a nice home... I will pay for it, and your studies of course, and you can stay in our house all the nights you want but I think would be a shame to sell the house. If wasn't for me we could have been a family, this house needs a family, Mary's family and you are all that's left of her. She would be crushed if she ever had to sell the house...

I look at her and she is staring at me and I can see she is thinking really hard on what I'm offering 

-Are you sure? I'm only eighteen

-You are a lot older than what your birthday says. I know you can do, plus, you won' be alone. I will always take care of you. I won't be able to replace Mary in your life and I won't try, but I will try to be the dad you deserve and the dad Mary wanted me to be!

She screams in happiness hugging me and the dog barks around us. I'm happy, I'm really happy like I never been since the death of Jimmy. 

***

Dayana told me where her mum was buried and told me to go there and say goodbye, it's been an hour and I'm still thinking if I should go or not, already drank half of my bottle of Jack and couldn't get to a solution. Go or don't go? Jimmy wold tell me to go and say my goodbye. Fuck, he would go with me! I know I can ask one of the guys but damn it, it's not the same. I miss Jimmy with all my heart. After all this time I still ache with is absence, he always saw beyond what other saw and now it's gone. Like Mary.

I don't know how I will leave without the ones I love when I have so much to say but they are so far away and I know that when I'm done I'll be on my way to leave eternally with them but till then it's such a shit load of pain. At least I have Dayana now. They only way I can make it to Mary is to watch over Dayana and be the dad she never had.