The bright light scorched my vision. Maybe it's a whole new day with attire to sophisticate my life further.The morning is the same for every beauty in nature burning colors into vibrant algorithm to live it. There is everything in the light which pierced through the fine opening between curtains. There is more than hope attached in it. It is complete, with future, wisdom and all things which makes man's life complicated.
Promises are just promises, mere words, which leave behind empty shells if we drought the true nature behind them. I had promised, promised myself ... more than that. Just more than that to get through the world of amnesty, where people struggle each day to search for one's piece of happiness. Yeah, I had also promised myself to be like one of them, losing my emotions in wildfire and searching for someone who can fulfill my hunger. But it just appears that these things don't have a place for me. Among these 7 billion population, I have lost my identity. For the last two decades, I've always resolved. But it doesn't matter unless you're like me.
I shrugged off my eyelashes, pushing it hard to enter into this majestic world where my body prefers to reside. The light passing through my retina spoke gallantly today. It could have meant something special. Or maybe it is just another impulse which tries to wake me up, like someday in the past...but maybe not just today!
Tearing the vision and incorporating all the energy inside me, I moved my muscles, trying to convince me about the day. As always, there is a small clock beside my bed, waiting for my response to make me understand the dimensions in which I live.
Maybe for the past few years, I had been a bit better.
I don't even know if the person, She, exists. But her note arrives everyday in the morning.The door gap again pecked my eye into it, forcing my heart to relive me of the solitude.
My eyes eager to tear it, read it and keep it in my heart, forever. My legs approached the door, which separates myself from the world and has kept my emotions stifle. This is the world where my 'Next Generation Of Life' attains its value.
I still remember that day... the day which changed my life. The day which reminded me of my existence in this humanly world.
The world remained the same but I changed. The letter was from someone whom I never knew. 'The Letter', which values everything in my life. Even more than just the last breath of life...even today. The letter was destined to me. Destiny still had wished something more than just little for me. In the letter, was entitled my name, ANTEI, which the world barely knows or bothers to remember.
In the letter, there was an invitation. An invitation to make the response to life. It was from someone who desired to see me happy, but was far more concerned about the world itself than me. The letter remained in the shelf for more than one month. I thought about the mysterious thing each pulse, while moving down the street, while climbing stairs and also while looking at bread crumbs on my plate.
Then after waiting for more than a month, I dived into the pool of words to say "Thank You" for the lovely invitation. However, I replied only with a few words: "GOOD TO RECEIVE YOUR LETTER". That was the point which changed my life. The next morning, I waited for the response... I just waited like a puppy who waits for his master, just like a toddler who desires to see his mother.
It came...finally the reply came. She wrote all about her and everything that she had faced. Then, slowly there was a relation which started to peak and made me feel less solitary. I still adorn all the letters she sent back to me. Maybe she exists in other part of the world which belongs to everyone. She knew my address, I knew hers. At that point and ever since then, she became the only person who mattered to me.
This relationship turned into something more than the world could wonder, because I had faith upon her and she had faith upon me. But we never bothered to see each other. Maybe it was something the nature had conspired for me.
One day, as always, I opened her letter. The letter was not like usual, it was something more than special, the emotions in her writing explained it. That day, May 27 2014, she asked me to meet her downtown. She was the only person who knew all about my feelings, about myself more than my own holy soul.
I flanked myself into the ragged denim & polo shirt which I have owned since a couple of years.
Then I marched myself hopping my jolly feelings. I had no fear. She was the only person who knew about me, more than anyone. Let life be on itself, let the breeze take away everything from you, then you become the happiest person in the universe.
Down the street, I saw her. There she was, the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Maybe my feelings toward her had taken me too deep inside her soul, that even if she was the ugliest of all girls, she would still be the One.
She dashed me to say something... things which my heart couldn't bear but, still I managed my eyes from expressing. She feared, this might be the first and last meeting of her with me. She feared that she might never be able to see me again. Then, she turned back and moved, leaving me behind.
That small encounter taught me everything, the whole thing about life and the way it was meant to be lived.
She left me behind. I wasn't bothered a day ago or a minute before reading her invitation to meet but, that day, all my dammed, pressurized tears started to roll for someone whom I just met for a few minutes.
The very day, I encouraged my feelings, gathered all my words and wrote a letter of proposal, citing that I wanted to spend every second of her remaining time with her...even the final ones. I expressed everything the words allowed and more.
With all the fear and anxiety, I posted the letter. She replied the very next morning desiring to meet. Maybe she wanted to remind me about the life ahead of me. But I had a stout head. I had started to love her and I wanted was to be with her.
I had seen the same feelings in her tear-filled eyes the day we met. Her slow steps had shown, she wanted to stay more with me. More than the time, God had challenged her.
As expected, she tried to convince me, but I begged her to be part of the non-solitude moment of my life. Because my life was nothing without her.
The very next week, we went to a nearby Chapel and in presence of her friends and relatives we made a complete unification of two souls into one.
Today, after more than a year of togetherness, she lies on the bed of nature reliving her of every sin committed in this world. God took away my heart from my life leaving me with nothing but memories of us. People were there, mourning her death all around. But, it lacked. Lacked the intensity of emotions and feelings she taught me through the letters.
The letters in the letter(s) had more emotions than tears in mourners.
She moved to the home of solace, free from all kinds of pain, leaving me behind with all but my solitary life. Now I march myself to a place, the place which shows me the whole world, the place where maybe a new life can begin. I am again into solitude where I have no reason to live, again.
The river inspires me to live, the humming and chirping makes life move. But today I stand here now, on top of the cliff, ready to give my life and meet her again in the next world.
Waiting...
"Papa", calls someone from behind.
@antei
To be continued...
