dark and mysterious

3

The next day Batman and I decided to go into town as a couple. We walked down to the market to get food, when he heard some moms with young kids making fun of us. "Ignore the., Rek, they're just jealous their husbands don't give them attention." Batman told me. "Wow Bat, harsh." I joked. We got what we needed and left. On the way home I heard a familiar voice behind us. "Wait! Batman! Shrek!" We turned around and looked at the man in shock. "Quagmire!?? We haven't had a conversation with you for a few years..what are you doing here?" I nervously laughed. "I wanted to say leaving you guys was a mistake, those girls are nothing compared to you too...what I mean is that...i-i...okay uhm..I m-miss you t-two...and I really love you and regret leaving..can we please maybe u-uhm.. start again maybe?? Please.." Quagmire cried. "What do you think bat?" I asked. He nodded and smiled. "Well it's settled, welcome back Quagmire, we missed you."

And then, Micky Mussy appeared. We haven't heard about him in years, well, not after y/n become a nun and become elmussy's sex slave. Micky Mussy, with those sexy red boxer shorts with the yellow buttons and those round, black ears, smirked at all of us, swooshing his cape around. People stared, people gasped. Some cried. It was a magnificent sight. I quickly took my phone out to take a picture, but he took it before I could snap the shot.

"Shrekky," he begins. "You are the chosen one."

My ears perk up in confusion. "Gandalf?"

"Yes, he sent me. Now, find y/n and lock her up in a tower. This is the GCW." He smiles.

"What's the GCW?" I wonder.

"The Good Coochie War."

And so it was. Quagmire, Batman, and I set off to find y/n, wherever she was with elmussy. The GCW sounded important, so of course we went. We searched for twenty years, seven months, and fourteen days. We didn't find her until we decided to give up and take a break at Christie's Toy Box in Dallas.

"Guys, we could use this." Quagmire suggests, holding up a little girl costume.

"For sure." Batman whips me quickly. I giggle and put it in our basket. We'll definitely be using that later. The familiar cackle of a red-furred fucker caught my attention.

"Well, Elmussy says that you should bend over so I can do you right here, right now."

"But I have a tampon-"

"Elmussy doesn't give a shit."

There she was. Y/n in her nun uniform, looking sexy as ever. My mouth watered at her 2 foot frame and .3 inch waist. She was so fuckable. Yummmy in my shrekussy.

"Elmussy," I began. "Let the sexy girl go so I can have a turn."

"Elmussy says no." The fucker whipped out a magic wand and casted a spell. "Bajsiowieieiwkjd!"

I didn't know what else to do, so I grabbed batman's wee wee and snapped it off. "Oh my god! My bat-dick!" He grunts, bending over in pain. I waved it around and casted a spell, hoping to kill elmussy. "JSIWOWOEORUWLLE."

He fell to his knees. "Elmussy does not like that spell." He comments, casting another. It was an all out war.

"APWPWIRIWIWIURURHFBCBNXKSPWNFBXJJDKSPDKRKEJSUDHHRBRIWPAKJFNRURB4JFJEKPWL3J3J3I3BTI4U38299838474738399292O2K3J3N4K6J7N8JIIOJ6J5J4J4JJD!!!!!! 😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻" I screamed, flinging the dick at elmussy. It smacked him in the face so hard it knocked him out. I grabbed y/n in my arms and ran out of the building, leaving Quagmire and Batman in the store.

I hopped on my trike and pedaled away, to Master Mickey Mussy. Then, Green Day appeared. Mike, Tre, and Billie stood there, holding shotguns with Weezer painted on them. "Elmussy lives on, motherfucker." Billie shoots me in the shoulder, and it turns into a shoot em up movie.

I rip y/ns tampon out and fling it at them and it lassos them into one congregation of twinks. "MOTHERFUCKER." They scream in unison. I flip them off and make out with y/n as we run. She slaps my bald head and tugs on my stick ears. "OH MY GOD." She screams. I raise my unibrow. "IM IN LABOR." She then births a monkey human siren vampire werewolf dragon bird dog cat mouse emo punk goth girl boy man woman yeti jesus god angel demon devil satan lucifer spider caterpillar frankenstein michael jackson minion dracula hybrid- and it was Kurt Cobain.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA." I say calmly, picking up my son(I hope it's mine). I run off quickly, taking him back to my swamp. I raise him and teach him how to play guitar and how to spray paint. Mickey Mussy took his soul when he was only twenty seven. It was a tragedy. Rip Kurt.

Eventually Batman, Cleveland, Quagmire, and I went back to normal and y/n had 86 more children. All of which rhyme with can. I don't know why but they do because she's dumb. She also had a son with a chair. His name is Jude and everyone (one singular person) simps for him. Idk why though he's weird and smells like a wet dog and hot dog water.