La Rosa

Chapter 36: My Story.

I'm telling her.

I want to. But I just don't know where to start. 

"It all started December 30th-

My father is being an asshole to his wife again. But who am I to care? She's not my mother.

I hate him. But also he's the only person I have left. I wouldn't mind being alone but something inside me kind of wants that feeling. To be wanted. I sound dumb. I don't need anyone, all people do is let me down.

My father has been pushing me to marry young like him. But we all saw how his first wife went so I think we are fine. Plus women are nothing to me. Sure, they're fun to fuck every now and then but feelings are just something I don't want to feel with someone. Feelings are a waste of my fucking time.

I get pulled from my thoughts by a loud crash that sounds like glass from the other room. I roll my eyes out of annoyance. If they're gonna throw things the least they could do is do it on the other side of the house.

I get up and walk out of the room I was in, "If you guys are gonna-" I start but I see my father's wife on the floor unconscious. I wanted to care but I couldn't until I saw Erika in the corner. The way she looked at me reminded me of when I was younger and my father would punish me.

I snapped. I didn't know I could do so but I did. After I looked at Erika and expected her to be scared of me. I just beat her stepfather and my father to death doing much worse to the body than the word torture.

She does the thing I've never felt before. She hugs me. I held her there and felt her cry into my shirt. I never would let anyone else do this. But for some reason, I feel like I need to take care of her.

"Did he hurt you at all?" I ask and she shakes her head. I finally look over to the two dead bodies in the room.

What the fuck am I gonna do now? But I knew one thing for certain. I'm gonna have to become him. A mafia boss, the devil, satan sent from above, heartless.

"You need to get out of here." I say and she tries to object, "It's not safe here, I'll send you stuff but you can't be here."

"I'm safer with you than anywhere else." She says and she won't listen to me unless I hurt her. Not physically. Never physically.

"Do you not understand I don't want you to be here!" I yell and I can see the fear begin in her eyes but the trust is still there. So I keep going, "If you think I killed for you, your wrong. I killed for myself, you were just a silly excuse I could use."

She's crying. Because of me. "You don't mean that."

"I. Mean. Every. Fucking Word." I say stopping before every word to prove my point. I've never apologized in my whole life, but why do I feel like I should now?

I feel a hard slap across my face. I deserve this.  "You done?" I ask unfazed.

She leaves the room and I feel a big cloud of darkness form over me and I know for certain that this is how the rest of my life is gonna be.

"Demino?" La Rosa pulls me out of the trance I was as if I was re-living it and I look at her face expecting a look that I get from everyone, that I'm a monster. But I get something else and it just makes me fall in love with her all over again. I get a look like she feels sorry for me.

I killed someone and she's grieving over me. Not just anyone my father.

"Do you still feel that way?" She asks and I look at her confused. "Like a big cloud of darkness?"

I have to think about it and without even realizing it after I met her it went away. She gave me a purpose.  A way to know how it feels to be loved.

"No.." I say and stop. "I don't feel like that anymore." She smiles and asks no further questions. She pats where she is laying, signaling for me to come to lay with her.

We lay in silence. Not awkward silence or out of anger or sadness but just comfort. We have nothing left to say.

She breaks the silence with her lovely voice I love to hear every minute of the day. "You know what I think," She says and I just wait to hear what she's come up with. "I think not all monsters are all monsters."

I stay quiet waiting for her to continue explaining. "That they have motives behind everything they do and it's just a different way from what other people would have done. I think it might be bad for someone to choose one person to survive rather than the whole world but is it really when that one person was the only one there when the rest of the world turned their back?"

I sit there and let that stick. "You don't think I'm a monster. Even after all the terrible things."

"I think you would set the whole world on fire to protect the people you care about." She says not answering my question. "So no I don't think you're a monster."

I smile in the darkness. I'm not my father.

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Until Next Time......