Nash Grier

Chapter 9

I hardly slept. I tossed and turned, drifting in and out of bad dreams. Just before six, I gave up and got out of bed. I checked my phone and didn't see any messages. I sighed and undressed to take a shower. I shouldn't feel this empty but I fell hard and got my heart broken in return. I turned on the shower and got in hoping to wash everything away.

I checked on Josh and made sure he was comfortable. I know he will be okay, but I haven't been there for him. He's the only thing I have now. I can't lose him. I kiss his forehead before stepping out of his room. "Hey sweetheart. Get any sleep?" He asked with his eyes closed. "No, I'm a wreck. But that's besides the point. Are you okay?" I studied his face and watched him open his eyes. I can see how much pain he is still in. "I'm fine, were fine. Your all I need. Stop thinking I hate you because you weren't here when I first got hurt, you didn't know." He grabs my hand and kisses my knuckles. "I know, but I haven't been here for you like I should, even before this." I point at his broken body. He looked at me and fell asleep. His pain medicine has been keeping him knocked out. I smile at him and leave him to rest.

I grabbed some fruit to eat for breakfast and got my tablet. I sat on the couch and prepared to write a letter. I haven't ever really told Nash how I feel In the short amount of time I've known him. I need to get my thoughts out. Writing it all out is the only way I can manage to get it done. I'm not trying to make him want me back out of pity, I just need to explain everything to him. I'm not going to let this relationship end without any formal goodbye. I took bites of my fruit and began typing, starting with my thanks of the beautiful times he allowed me to have and how much everything he did for me meant. I told him how I thought we had taken a massive leap in our relationship that ended up causing us to stumble backwards. I want to express my thoughts in a mature way and make it easy for him to understand. In the end I said what I could.
I know a letter isn't going to fix us or whatever happened. I'm desperate for you and miserable. I'm thankful for the beautiful beach trip you gave me and I would give up everything to be in that moment with you again. Instead, you're spending time with Jessica, while I'm alone. I want to crawl on my knees and beg for you. A kiss, a touch, even one word. You've made me weak. I never intended on falling this fast for you or even falling at all. I hate that I need you this much. I hate that I love you.
LeAnna
I attached it to an email and titled it 'my thoughts' and hit send.

"Don't be scared."
I woke up in the middle of the night with those three words spoken in the darkness of my room. I felt my mattress dip as Nash crawled beside me. His arms grabbed my body and pulled me close. I was scared this was a dream and would lose the feeling of his touch if I opened my eyes. I smelled his shampoo and the clean scent of his skin, while his fingers ran up and down my arm, soothing me. I turn my body around to face him. I open my eyes. He doesn't disappear. I reach out and hold his face, tracing his lips with my fingers. I want to cry but I hold it together. "Baby." He took over my mouth and connected his lips with mine. I put my hand on his chest, feeling bare skin. He groaned and stood, bending over me. He yanked my blanket off of me. He was gloriously naked as he hovered over my body. I saw his clothes in a pile by my bed. He must have taken them off as soon as he got here. He tenderly kissed my body while taking off my tshirt and shorts. "Nash," I whispered, taking in every touch. I started to have tears run down my cheek. I've been hurting and confused. Having him with me now is like breathing fresh air after drowning. I needed this moment. I need him. His hair tickled me as he opened his mouth and sucked on my neck. Pleasure shot through me. He was worshiping me as if I'd disappear. "I've been days without you. I need you." He says while he takes over me. My back arched while he thrusted into me. Our relationship has been sexual from the beginning. It's our only way to express how much we feel for each other. He's told me before that words aren't enough, he has to express how he feels. so If we aren't together then everything gets thrown off. After a while we both came and He collapsed on top of me. I ran my fingers through his hair and down his back. Nash groaned my name and rolled off of me. "That was all for you," he gasped. He grabbed me and held me tight. We laid there for what felt like an eternity. Neither of us said a word. I was to scared to break the moment. He would kiss me every so often and play with my hair. "I need you to much," he said in my ear. "I'm miserable without you."
I looked at him, creasing my eye brows. "So you read my email?" I ask.
"I need you just as much." He flipped me so I was straddling on top of him. He smiled while he looked at my body. "I'm just as obsessed with you baby, I just need you to trust me." He said the last part more serious. I closed my eyes. "I don't understand what you mean. Why haven't we been together the last few days? Why have you been spending your time with Jessica?" Fresh years started to spill. He grabbed my hand and kissed each finger before answering me. He then grabbed my hips and slid me onto him. He panted. I know this is his way of expressing how he feels but I can't think straight. "Your letter ripped me open," he said. "You won't talk to me, I didn't know what to do," I said closing my eyes in the feeling. "I can't." He groaned. "It just.......it has to be this way." I slid off of him. I put my clothes back on. "I can't live like this, Nash."
He cuddles with me and holds me tight.
"I'm hurting too, can't you see that?"
"It's hard to see you being hurt while your spending time with your ex, Jessica."
"Stop over thinking and look at me now. I'm broken Leanna. Just please trust me. Everything I do is for you." He kissed me.
"This feels like a goodbye Nash," I said softly. He sighed and ran his hands over my body.
I started to drift in and out of consciousness, my last memory was of him spooning with me holding me close to him. "Trust me. Don't leave me," I heard him say before I fell asleep.

When I woke up, he was gone.

Sorry this is a shorter chapter! I've been really busy lately. I have more coming soon. Thank you!!!