lost //brance

8

vance's pov

it had been days since i had been to school. at bruce's baseball game i told my ma that me and bruce hugged. i don't know why but i felt like it was something i should tell her. for some reason i cant bring myself to face bruce anymore. i fucking kissed him.

i don't even know why i did it. it just seemed right but now i regret it more than anything i've ever done before. i've told ma i'm just feeling sick and it's not fully a lie. i've been in my bed for three days and only left to go to the bathroom. ma knows somethings wrong and i can hear her on the phone to her friends on a night time. she brings my meals up to eat but doesn't bother me other than that.

all i've been able to think about is what i did to bruce. he's the first genuine friend i've had in a while and i fucked it up. i acted on my thoughts and it was wrong. god, bruce probably hates me. it seemed right at the time. like when you do something and it's in the moment because it just feels right.

i couldn't let ma take the downfall for my actions. i climb out of bed and start to head downstairs. i see ma sitting on the sofa with a glass of wine.

"ma? can i talk to you?"

her head turns and she smiles at me as soon as our eyes meet. she puts down the glass of wine and walks towards me, bringing me into a hug. for some reason, i cant hold myself together and i feel a lump start to grow in my throat.

"come sit down with me vance..."

she pauses for a second, bringing me towards the sofa by my arm and sitting me next to her.

"my baby. you can tell me anything you know, i'm worried about you."

i let out a shaky sigh and tried to avoid eye contact, i couldn't face her while i talked about this.

"ma, you know bruce, right?"

"yes bruce, he was so lovely vance. what about him honey?"

my hands were picking at each other and my leg was slightly shaking. i was getting overly nervous for some reason.

"well after i told you i hugged him, at his baseball game... later that night i walked him home and we hugged again. but..."

"what is it baby? you know there's nothing wrong with that."

my words were coming out more shakily. i hated it. i hated every part of this. i hated how i felt about bruce and i hated that i couldn't just tell ma how i felt about him.

"i kissed bruce ma. it was just on the cheek. i promise. just please don't be mad at me i'm sorry. it just felt like the right thing to do but i'm sorry ma."

i was facing her at this point. i didn't care anymore and a few tears made way down my face. i fucking hated this.

i grabbed hold of ma's arm as gently as i could.

"ma, please i'm sorry. it was an accident i promise."

i could see that she was now crying as well. it was my fault, i shouldn't have told her about any of this. she pulled me into a hug and rubbed my hair.

"oh vance stop it. i could never be mad at you. so what if you kissed him darling. if he's someone you like then go for it. i'm always here for you."

after hearing those words i kept crying. i never cried but this was something that pushed me a bit too much. after a few minutes i could hear the phone ring from just outside the door. ma kissed my cheek and got up to answer it. i looked around the room and my eyes landed on the wine. i took the bottle and drank a few gulps. it was some cheap wine from the store and only a quarter full, but it would still make do.

ma came back into the room with a small grin on her face.

"someone's on the phone for you vance."

i nod and take the bottle of wine with me, earning a scoff from my ma but no protests.

i grab the phone and raise it up to my ear. hearing nothing on the other end.

"hello? i'm kinda fuckin busy so whoever it is hurry up."

the line went dead and i took another swig of the wine.

"ma they hung up."

she looks a bit confused but just tells me it's alright. i eventually go back up to my room and check the time on my clock.

8:46pm. i sigh and go back into bed. i'm gonna end up having to go to school soon but i don't think i can face him. even after my talk with ma, i feel uneasy.

i play some music, but not too loud. i don't wanna disturb ma too much. i hear talking from downstairs and turn the volume down on the record player.

the muttering from downstairs stopped and i could hear the door shut. whoever was there has fucked off, not that i care anyway. i turn the dial and the music becomes loud again. i nod my head to the tune and continue drinking the bottle of wine.

i opened my window and took off my shirt, it was fucking hot as hell in my room. i stood near my window and lit up a cigarette, taking sips of the wine in between. i could hear a gentle knock on my door over my music. if it was ma she would just walk in so i wasn't too bothered. after a while the person keeps knocking and wont stop. who the fuck is outside?

i walk over to the door and open it, probably more angrily than i had made it seem. i had the bottle of wine in one hand and the cigarette in my mouth. the door fully opened and i didn't bother looking up, just walking back towards the open window.

i finish the cigarette and flick in out the window into the garden, taking a swig of wine to wash the taste away.

"vance i'm sorry."

i put the bottle of wine down and turn my head at the same time. bruce stood in my room, just a foot or two away from the door as he looked at me. he was obviously nervous and looked a bit uncomfortable.

i could feel the lump in my throat return as i faced towards him.

"don't be sorry for anything. i did what i did. and nothing can change that. skip the speech on how it should be best if we aren't friends and just leave. i'm busy."

"i don't blame you for what you did. i promise you vance, its okay. i'm just confused right now. fuck, you have me so confused. all i need is some time. please just give me some time."

"please leave me alone bruce."

it came out quieter than i thought it would have. he had heard though, i was certain. he let out a sigh before stepping back.

"leave bruce."

its better for the both of us if i do this. none of this is normal. he goes back to playing baseball, flirting with girls and being a good student. i go back to playing pinball, alone. he leaves the room, shutting the door behind him. i take another cigarette out and smoke it, taking deep inhales. i watch out of the window as bruce leaves. he picks up his bike and he leaves. he doesn't even look back.

my ma doesn't come up to check on me, bruce doesn't ring me when he gets home. the night still goes on. well shit, i'm definitely not going back to school now.

(1377 words)