--"Ice skating is for losers. If you ice skate you're like a dancer, and if you're a dancer then you're a girl!"
--"You're afraid?" She stayed clear.
--"Yes... I'm scared."
Will they call him a dancer? A girl? Will they ignore him during school? Wi...
The locker room was seemingly darker than usual, an unusual environment filled the room. It was as if my panic intertwined with the room itself. With my body settled uncomfortably on the bench in the middle of the room, I sat with my head facing down. The sound of the quiet music from the ice-skating rink seeped through the cracks around the room. Among the stillness of the room, you could hear a slight lock of the door, then hesitant footsteps as Akari came closer to me. She sat right beside me, just a few inches separating our legs from one another. The feeling came back up again, the uncomfortable and scary feeling that something horrible can happen.
A sigh came from the older girl, delayed, "Do you want to talk about it?"
My eyes continued staring at the floor, despite how much I know she won't belittle me for how I felt I still felt somewhat awkward mentioning it to her. In a way, I wish to put a facade in front of others, that I'm a strong person to rely on, a person that can make them smile and feel safe. Akari is one of the only people that I've broken that facade with. Not even my mother knows how weak I can be anymore.
I nodded, hoping that she'd been looking at me to see my answer.
"What happened? You started to feel overwhelmed?" A small hand fell on my lower thigh but was light enough to not make me uncomfortable.
I nodded again. She stood quiet for a few moments, she must want me to elaborate.
"I was thinking too much. Then I realized that the stress was still there, so... I freaked out. Then I suddenly couldn't move and my heart was beating so fast." The stress began to rise again, as my left hand came back to my chest to try to slow my heartbeat down again, "I was scared, Akari. Scared that the others would find out, scared that ice-skating will just bring me down." I felt pressure increase near my eyes, the water trying to release itself. I clenched my shirt underneath my hand on my chest. I can't cry, not right now.
The hand that was on my leg suddenly got off, I almost didn't notice it, but then the same hand was put across me to my shoulder. Akari was close now, our legs were touching, and her hand went across my back so she enveloped me. Her head fell on my shoulder that was closest to her. A few betraying tears fell out of my eyes, though now I couldn't care less.
"I understand." Just a few of her words released an immense amount of pressure off of my chest, it seemingly floated and disappeared into thin air. The light from the ceiling got brighter. "It's hard. And it's okay to be afraid."
"It shouldn't be... I'm afraid of my own classmates." Words spewed from my mouth without me thinking.
"It's because you're afraid that they will treat you like how the others did."
With her words I took a deep breath, a sudden unwanted image entered my eyes but left quickly as she continued.
"But... I think time will tell." She pulled me in tighter, "Still, the chances of that happening are low. So try not to get so worked up over it, alright?"
"Akari! Where are you? It's busy!" A voice was heard from outside the locker room door. Akari's head lifted from my shoulders. In a way though with the loss of contact, I feel upset.
The fears won't escape just because the chances are slim.
I feel heaviness in my body, but I know she needs to get back to work. She took her hand away, stood up, and gave a smile which I returned, then walked away out of the room. Unsatisfied, my eyes met the floor again. Is it selfish to say I wanted to talk to her a bit more? I'm still scared.
I can't escape the possibility that they'll leave me, just like the others did. My friends... is my passion worth more than them?
...
"Izuku! Heads up!" My head perked up at my name being called, I looked where the noise came from to find my friends playing with a volleyball. One threw the ball toward me, and with quick action, I was able to catch it even though I had been dozing off. With the catch of the ball, I looked toward the others to find their unchanged expressions. I threw it toward one of them, and they caught it smoothly and threw it at the other person. A game in which I did not remember joining but got involved anyway.
"Izu!" Another time my name was called, this time it was from my mother's delicate voice calling from across the park. I looked over at her as she was walking towards me and my friends playing. I was also playing with Kacchan, my best friend and future hero-friend that I've been with since... Actually, I can't remember.
My mother pulled me out of my thoughts again; "Are you ready?"
I cranked my head to the side, I don't know what she was talking about.
"Ready for what? "Silly boy, are you ready to go ice skating?" Mother asked, enthusiastic to see me skate again. Snickers came from the area in which my friends were still playing. I looked at them to find them next to each other, with a seemingly strange look on their face (which I would later realize was their sickening downgrading of me). "What's funny?"
A few hesitant looks at each other then an enthusiastic response from Kacchan; "Ice skating is for losers. If you ice skate you're like a dancer, and if you're a dancer then you're a girl!"
And at that moment, it felt like the world spun on me. My friends are being mean to me.
"Katsuki! Apologize right now!" My mothers accusing voice shook me even further, I realized that even she knew it was them laughing at me.
"It's true!" His desperate voice clung to his only form of amusement at that moment, and the only made-up belief he had.
"Katsuki, you heard me."
"I'm not apologizing, it's true!"
"Do I need to call your mother over?" The atmosphere darkened and it felt like a bomb was about to be opened and explode. Kacchan flinched for a moment, before looking away from my mother's and my eyes.
"No."
"Then apologize to Izuku for being mean to him."
—
"I'm sorry." Kacchan complied. But his voice made it sound empty, an empty hole left in my heart.
"Good. I can't believe you would do such a thing to your friend Katsuki." Her voice sounded hurt as if my hurt was projected onto her too. She turned me away from the group, and we both walked away to say goodbye to auntie. I wanted to say goodbye to my friends too. I turned my head and smiled, to which they responded by sticking their tongues and middle fingers at me making my body feel heavy.
I don't think they want to play volleyball with me anymore.
...
Despite how traumatizing that incident would turn out to be, it was also that day that I found out I had been lifted from my stresses by ice skating. The open door to a long hobby to relieve everything...
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