Perfectly Broken

Chapter 10

I love you. You are where I belong.

- Luther Hughes

The surgery, and the recovery, came with many complications. Unexpected things occurred that even Jaden could admit the neurosurgeon was not responsible for. But they led to Anya being seen by specialists, getting more tests, and new diagnoses. Unfortunately, these conditions could not be cured, only treated, and even that was a sketchy proposition. In short, Anya would have some pain, headaches, dizziness, numbness, and other things from now on. Some were constant, some less intense, but nonetheless, things would never be the same.

It was hell on both of them. Anya found out accidentally that tilting her head back caused severe vertigo. After she fell down and nearly hit her head on the bathroom tile, Jay refused to let her even go to the toilet without his help until vertigo subsided. The humiliation of having her husband hold her steady on the toilet seat so she could urinate was a low point.

They even had their first fight, where Anya told Jaden he should leave her because she felt so worthless. Jaden became so angry that he actually did leave; he left the room. He went into his office and paced and tried to come up with all the reasons he should go, but it was pointless. The reasons to stay overrode them all: he loved his wife and didn't want to live without her.

Jay marched back into the bedroom, where Anya lay bawling. When he stormed from the room, she thought he was packing his computers up, and getting ready to end their marriage. She hadn't really wanted him to go, she was just exhausted from trying to exist and felt guilty for dragging him down with her problems. She had told him that he traded his life on the run for a cage that she had built around him. Anya wanted to set him free so that at least one of them could be happy, even if it tore her to shreds.

When he returned, he stopped and watched her with an aching chest. Anya looked up at him with red, puffy eyes. "I gave you an out. Why aren't you taking it?"

"Alina," he said, and it was the first time he had used her real name in so very long. "Do you love me?"

His question confused her. What ridiculousness was this? "I love you," she replied. "I love you so much that I'm willing to let you go and f-find s-someone–" she stuttered over the words that made her sick to her stomach.

"No." Jay didn't want to hear her say such things. He strode over to the bed and scooped her up, placing her carefully onto his lap. "I don't want you to let me go, and I will never find someone else. There can never be anyone except you. It doesn't matter what becomes of your health; you will always be the owner of my heart, as long as it beats. And if there is something beyond this life, I will be yours then, too."

He took her hand and placed it on his chest, directly over where Anya knew her name was etched into his skin in code. This gesture calmed her, and she stroked his shirt as her crying eased. He leaned over to the bedside table with her still in his arms and pulled two small, square boxes out of the drawer. "I have a bad habit of trying to wait until the time is right to experience moments that should happen immediately. This is a control issue for me, and I vow I will do my best to not do this anymore. I had these rings made months ago."

He opened the first box, it was her ring. Jaden removed it from its holder and held it in the palm of his hand to show to her. It was clear and not perfectly rounded, which made it unique and more organic looking. Something green was trapped inside the clear part; Anya leaned forward slightly to look, and Jay ran his fingers through her hair as he spoke. "This is a sprig of juniper encased in resin. It is from the tree we got married under. I wanted it to be as fresh as possible, so I hired someone to retrieve it and send it to the jewelry maker. The back part is the bark from an oak tree in Duskwood that was next to our house, which a different tasker kindly retrieved for me and also sent to the jeweler. I thought you would like to carry something from our former home with you."