Winterberg Brain Rot

Guide to Care for your Ethan

So you're a new Ethan owner, and your Ethan is dying, yet you have no idea how to help. Not a problem. Here's a step-by-step guide on how to care for your dying Ethan.

Not all dying Ethan's are the same, but they all have one thing in common: an owner to care for them all. Maybe a tad misguided, but you've got the spirit!

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Step One: Identify the problem!

In order to fix a problem, you must figure out the problem! Has your Ethan been stabbed? Shot? Dying sick? If you answered yes to any of the above questions, follow this link to learn how you can assist Ethan. If you have a different problem, type and submit your questions in the box below, and we will have a representative guide you through it.

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Step One (sick edition): Identify the problem!

So your Ethan is passing away. Do not worry! If you act now, you can save your Ethan before any harm is done. If you can safely and swiftly identify the problem, you'll be able to use your new-found knowledge in the case of future events.

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"Karl, I promise you I'm not dying. It's just a common cold. It'll pass within a few days." As Karl scrolled away at the computer, Ethan spoke quietly in the background.

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Step Two: Take them to a confined space.

One of the many things you would hate to do is put yourself and your family in danger of catching said sickness. So place you're Ethan in a quarantine room away from any possible victim to fall ill. You will want to contain the sickness before it spreads.

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Karl hummed before making his way into the master bedroom he and Ethan shared. He thought for a second before deciding that he shall stay in one of the guest bedrooms while Ethan stayed in the master. Part of him considers sealing the door and windows shut so Ethan can't escape, but he decides against it because a mad Ethan is likely to be worse than a sick one. Besides, Ethan was dying, so how much could he actually do?

Contempt with his decision, Karl went back into Ethan's office and continued his research. The only reason he's using Ethan's computer and not his own is because he took apart his own, intending to upgrade it and make it better than Apple, Microsoft, or anyone other company could ever imagine. Don't get him wrong; Karl loved modern technology, but he could always make it better. Although, because Ethan is now dying sick, Karl must put his technological take over aside to care for his dying Ethan. The internet says so!

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Step Three: Sanitize and clean your entire house.

Being in the same room as your Ethan is one thing, but sickness can spread in many other ways. If you leave the germs around, they might spread and contaminate other people. Germs can be spread by people touching surfaces and other people touching the same surface. As stated in the previous step, you want to kill the sickness before it spreads to others.

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"Okay, Rosebud, are you ready to complete your mission? Operation: Kill the mutated germs." Karl asked as he stood in front of Rose. She cheered with a disinfected bottle in her hand. Karl wore a bandana on his head and an apron that said "Kiss the Metal Man." Cook was scribbled out because everyone knew Karl couldn't cook for the life of him. He also had a spray bottle with a scrub. He was able to convince Rose to help him disinfect the entire house to keep Ethan safe from the mutated bug that threatened his life. Common cold his ass. A man made of mold shouldn't be able to become sick. He was a walking disease, for fuck's sake. Screw Karl for being paranoid, one cough becomes two. Two becomes five. Five becomes a potentially fatal illness.

So the two of them spent their whole Saturday disinfecting the house once or twice. Three times just to be safe. Really, if the three of them were superhuman, practically immortal beings, the chemicals should've killed them.

Wait....

Two of those beings are made of mold.

Cleaning chemicals can kill mold.

"Shit," Karl stated as he rushed to the computer typing in, 'Can your mold child and mold husband die from Clorox disinfecting spray?'

'Sorry, did you mean' "How to kill mold with Clorox?"

"Damn yOu INTER-"

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Step Four: Carefully nurse your Ethan back to health.

Now that you have made sure that your home is clear of any chance of the sickness spreading, it is time to slowly nurse your Ethan back to health. Since you can't afford or are too stubborn to take your Ethan to the hospital, it is up to you to play doctor. Here's a list of things you can do to help the recovery process.

Make your Ethan some soup. Warm food that is easy to eat can be easy on the stomach and easy to consume. Maybe put the medicine in there so they don't notice and you don't have to fight them to take it.Make sure they are well-rested in a comfortable bed. Sleep can help fasten the process.Regular ice packs to keep them cool or heating pads to keep them warmLong, warm baths or showers to wash the sickness awaySomething to cuddle with and a movie to distract them from their miserable state Since you can't directly coddle them, the next best thing is to give them something in your absence.Aspirin or painkillers to help with those awful headaches or aching pain

If none of these work, it's time to finally suck up your pride and take your Ethan to the doctor or veterinary clinic because let's face it, you're not a professional and you have no idea what you're doing. For Christ's sake, you're using a wiki how. If that isn't any indication that you're an incompetent fool who can't care for anyone, then idk what is.

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Karl's eyes narrowed at that last part and huffed in annoyance before turning away and making a mental list of everything he could do to help Ethan. He didn't need the stupid Internet. He's brought people back from the dead. Granted they were mindless soldats but pish posh. Karl was a fucken super genius. He could do anything. That'll show wiki how. That'll show them all.

and he was right! He was able to do it for a while before Ethan got just a tad bit worse. He's not a great cook. He knows that. Whatever.

Rose had called Chris by the fifth day of Ethan being sick and took over from there. As stated before, Karl could not cook, and the fire department had been called for what seemed like the 12th time, although it could have been the 13th. Whatever; the local fire department now knows Karl and Ethan by first name, and they occasionally stay for dinner. While Karl couldn't cook, Ethan sure can. He had taken up cooking during Mia's pregnancy and taken a liking to it. So now Ethan is the designated cook while teaching Rose how to cook, so she isn't impressed by your son's mediocre Kraft mac and cheese.

But alas, while Ethan was napping, Karl had broken one of the few rules he had. Trying to cook in the kitchen without supervision

"In my defense, Rose was with me!"

"Rose is not supervision, Heisenberg," Chris sighed as he held a sleeping Ethan in bridal style. Karl had Rose on his back, but Karl had half a mind to stick her slime on the ceiling as revenge. She had called Chris once Karl had decided to make soup. Unfortunately, the firemen had gotten there before him.

"She called you, didn't she?" Karl almost snarled but was cut off as one of the firemen walked out of the house and sighed fondly.

"Welp. Everything seems to be in order, and only the kitchen was ruined, but nothing was too damaged." They had said as Karl tsked and pouted but sighed in defeat.

"I would ask if you'd like to stay for dinner again, but Ethan found himself sick and I've got to fix the kitchen." Karl said. The fireman laughed and bid them farewell. Chris and Karl had wished them well before walking inside the house. Ethan was placed on the couch as Chris did what he could to scrape up any food and medicine. Luckily, he was able to do so, and Karl grumbled something about not needing his help and that he should go back to his alcoholic boyfriend. like he was any better.

Chris ignored him and made the executive decision to stay for a few days before Karl ended up hospitalizing the poor mold man.

Within those few short days, Ethan was back and better than ever. Karl got to play nurse with Chris becoming the new doctor, but Ethan appreciated the effort nonetheless.

For his efforts, Karl was rewarded with plenty of hugs and kisses. Yeah, he missed them, so what? That's none of your gawd damn business. Now, is it?