We Survived The Monsters

The Attack

It was the day before my birthday and I was home alone with Dylan because my mom took my little brother to the hospital because he put his arm through a window because he got mad and my older brother had to go with him. I was worried about my brother but went to my room to go to bed because I was tired. To this day I wash I would have stayed awake. I fell asleep like always but it was the last night I got peaceful sleep.

I woke up in pain I tried to scream but I couldn't. He was on top of me and he said "if you say a word you and your family will regret it and it will be your fault." I was terrified I couldn't move all I could do was cry I tried screaming but I couldn't make any sounds come out. It felt like it was happening forever and I was completely helpless and felt disgusting I hoped he would kill me after he was finished he made me take a shower. By taking a shower evidence it was him washed away. As I was in the shower I was in so much pain and shock I didn't realize how bad I was bleeding until I was in the shower. I was still unable to breath and panicking he was on the other side of the door it was locked but I still felt so unsafe. That's when he said that I better not say a word and told me to act normal when everyone got home and he left to go to bed. I slid down the wall of the shower crying as I pulled my hair out. What was I going to do and how could I live with this? I had no way to talk to anyone not that I could I just wanted to forget what he did to me.

I tried everything to make myself just forget but no matter what I did the nightmares wouldn't stop. He was in the same house and everytime I was left alone with him I locked myself in my room because I was terrified of him. He eventually hurt me again but this time he choked me and it was even worse I just wanted to die how long could I stay silent to protect my little brother. The last thing I wanted was for him to be hurt so I decided to end it all.

It was December and I went to school like everything was fine nobody knew that was the last day they would see me I had a smile on my face and gave them no reason to suspect anything. I planned to kill myself that night it would all finally be over. Then my checked me out of school and told me the doctor wanted to see me immediately and I was scared they questioned me repeatedly when they stopped my back x-ray the night before now my doctor wanted to see me. I knew then something was wrong but what.

I got to the doctor and they ran a urine test and it hit me I hadn't had my period in months which was normal for me but my last period was very light and it was right after Dylan hurt me but I couldn't think that way. There was no way I could have got pregnant so I blowed that thought off. That's when the doctor came in and asked if I wanted my mom in the room and I tried my best not to show how scared I was. I said yes why wouldn't I and tried to stay calm. She said that I was pregnant and I was already pretty far along and I tried to deny it. I didnt want this to be true I was sixteen and it was supposed to all be over tonight. What did I know about raising kids I never exactly had caring parents as an example. I was just a kid still I wasn't ready to be the mom.

I knew I couldn't keep him there was no way I could give this baby a good life because I knew nothing about being a mom. I didn't have someone I could ask because my mom was never there for me. She was a hateful and spiteful person. She only cared about my older brother the rest of us meant nothing to her. I thought adoption would be the best route he could go to a happy and loving family not my broken family.

I had an emergency ultrasound done at my first appointment before they did anything so they could make sure the baby was okay. He was perfectly healthy and I was having a baby boy. That moment I saw his face in the ultrasound and he kicked I knew he was mine and I had to care for him myself. We would figure it out I had already fell in love with my baby boy the idea of putting him up for adoption was gone. There was no way I could give my baby up. I promised myself as soon as I got the chance me and him would leave and make something of ourselves.

I promised myself I would never be like my mom I would love and nurture him. I would protect him like a good mom not like my mom.  She knew his record and still left me alone with him. How was that not child endangerment. My biggest fear at that point wasn't the birth of anything else but the fact that Dylan knew I was pregnant mom told him what would he do. Was he going to hurt me and my unborn child? When mom left for work later that day he come in my room my brother was outside playing with the kid next door. He made up a story for me to tell mom about who the father was he made me make a false report at  sixteen. He made me promise to keep his secret he said "this is our little secret" and I was terrified.

I wanted so badly to tell my mom the truth I didn't know if she would believe me or if it would do any good? Would she even care? I took details of his story and changed it when I was talking to the child advocate officer so that it wouldn't line up they wasn't aloud to tell them what I said. So I kept wanting to just tell them what he did but I knew they couldn't protect me. So I made sure that when the put the story together it wouldn't line up. I hoped they one do a DNA test on Dylan when my baby boy was born but he made it look like it could've been my dad and tested him instead of Dylan. I was furious I left hits so they would know it was Dylan and they tested my dad.

I knew there was nothing I could do right now but someday me and my baby boy would run and never look back the second we get the chance. Eventually my mom asked if it was Dylan who hurt me I was so relieved. I told her what he did and when. She didn't care I could tell by her face she already knew. My own mother knew! I was so angry she was going to have custody until I turned eighteen so there was nothing I could do. I was alone nobody knew what was going on outside the house. I felt like a prisoner.