Nothingness

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Just one more, I say for the 5th time tonight as I gulp down my 8th shot of tequila. I still didn't feel much better, however I didn't need to. I have my drinks and right now, that's all I really need.
It may damage me in the long run, but hey, I'm not that worried if I'm honest. It tastes nice, and it's the only thing for me to rest on at my current state, but I don't want to remind myself about what happened.
"Erm... Excuse me sir, don't you think you've had enough now?" The bartender said to me, clearly seeing how drink I was, but I wasn't done. I drink until I knock out, it's the only way I could really get home anyway, since people usually pay for a taxi for me to get home, better than walking.

"No, I don't think so. Could I maybe have another though?"
The bartender squinted, looked me up and down and said "I'm sorry but I feel as if you've had too many, I apologise!"
I sighed at them, if they don't want to serve me, I guess that's up to them and I'll respect that. "Fine, but may I give you some money for your service?" I handed the bartender the 1600 yen I had left over and walked away. The club's music was so loud, it was ringing in my ears, now that I think about it, everything was ringing in my ears. I stumbled back, almost falling onto a girl and ended up being sick all over her.
"I'm.... sorry..." I managed to spit out my words inbetween my gagging. I quickly rush to the bathroom and finish emptying my stomach there.

I woke up the next day with my head on the toilet seat at the club the night before, my hair still sticky from the dry puke I had spilled everywhere. "Haha, fuck me I'm a mess." I muttered to myself as I struggled to get up. I finally managed to push myself up and stumbled to the sink to wash my face. I stared at myself in the mirror for a second, my hair was sticking up, my eyes with bags and my clothes stained.
I splashed water on my face and began my 40 minute walk back home.
On my way back, people stared at me weirdly as usual, after all it was 10am and there's a drunk guy walking home.

When I finally reached my house, if you could even call it that. It was a small apartment I could barely afford, I had barely any new stuff, it was all just crappy cheap items I found online or really old furniture my parents had before they passed away.
I threw myself onto my couch, it was barely standing and the once brown leather was wearing away.
I switched on my half damaged TV to check out if anything special was going on. There was nothing besides the usual dead person on the news, but after a while I stumbled across an advertisement for something named D4 Fes, it was apparently a concert venue with large crowds and it was being held near a bar I frequent at so I decided to buy tickets for it.

It was still 3 days away, so I had some time to save money to spend while I'm there, it seemed like a good deal, I get an excuse to drink some more while listening to music and seeing some performances.
I decided to go to sleep early, since I didn't really get a chance to properly sleep last night. Saying that, I never properly sleep anyway, my 'bed' is just a worn mattress on the floor, I had to sell my bed because I couldn't afford rent one month and haven't slept well since.

My life just repeats itself everyday, although the only reason I keep living it is because I hope things will get better eventually, even if I have nothing atleast there's that hope I guess even though I don't see it happening anytime soon.

In the morning, I woke up on the floor as usual, and hoisted myself up, today was a new day, well so was yesterday, and the day before.
I poured myself some of what was left of my month old cereal, and added some expired milk to it, since I couldn't afford more.
It tasted grim, but it was something so I have to be thankful for that.

I checked my mail to see I'd gotten a letter, it was from a place I did a job interview for a 2 weeks ago, hopefully the results are good albeit 6 days late, but as long as I get it its fine I guess. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and opened the letter.

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[Your application to Tokyo Electrics LLC

Dear (Y/N) (L/N),

Thank you for taking the time to consider Tokyo Electrics. We wanted to let you know that we have chosen to move forward with a different candidate for the electrics engineer position.

Our team was impressed by your skills and accomplishments. We think you could be a good fit for other future openings and will reach out again if we find a good match.

We wish you all the best in your job search and future professional endeavors.]
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Well, fuck. I failed again, whatever, I'll try another again in a few months.
I decided to take a walk to clear my mind, I didn't really wanna think about that right now, it's too negative for this time in the day.
I try to avoid negativity when possible, but that becomes increasingly harder due where I'm at right now, but I still try.

Midway through my walk I saw a giant billboard for something, D4fes again, huh. It must be popular or something if they're advertising it like this. The billboard made me even more excited to go, after all, it said it was ¥1000 for a refillable shot of whatever was on the menu so obviously I wanted that. I managed to get a save a little money from selling things to buy it since I don't really get money many other ways, yeah my grandparents send me a little money for rent every month but I still need to get some doing other things.

Also on my walk, I stumbled across a homeless person sitting on the sidewalk, so I decided to give them ¥300 of the 1000 I've been saving. I'll just find a way to get another 300, if it means helping someone in a worse position than myself, I'll gladly give someone money.
Once I got home, there was a package waiting for me, that's weird. I haven't ordered anything.
So, I placed it on my dented kitchen table, still suspicious, I opened it.
"Eh?" I opened it to see 6 posters of what I guess was different groups of girls?, they were all signed too. Beneath them all was a penlight without batteries, that was weird aswell. There was a 7th poster in there that read: D4fes Premium Edition Poster 28.5.22. Oh, that's what it was. I must've ordered a premium edition of the D4fes ticket or something. I could probably sell all this stuff for a good ¥7000 yen, maybe even more. If I did sell it all though, it'd be after I go, after all I might want to use my penlight, although I haven't enjoyed anything in a while, and I doubt I'd enjoy the music that much to where I actually use it, eh whatever.

In the evening, I cracked open another bottle of tequila from a few days ago and watched TV again.
I got bored of that and decided to sleep again. Tomorrow was a new day.

In the morning, I woke up on the floor as usual, and hoisted myself up, today was a new day, well so was yesterday, and the day before. Everything is repetitive, and I just hope it gets better when in reality, it probably won't.
I walked over to the fridge and sighed. God damn it, I'm out of milk.
So this morning I settled with dry cereal for once, I'll buy milk when I can afford it.

Later on in the day, I walked down to the post office to send off one of my pieces of cutlery to someone that bought it. I managed to sell it for ¥500, just enough to buy some milk and get the alcohol at D4fes.

When I was walking home, I got stopped by a strange man wearing black.
"How much money you got on you?"
I looked at him suspiciously, why would he want to know?
"What's it to you whether I do or not?"
He reached in his pocket and flashed what looked to be a sharp metal object, a knife, at me.
"Fine, I've got ¥1000 on me, I don't have any more I swear, just take it and go please."
I handed him the money and he ran off. Fuck, what am I gonna use to pay tomorrow? I just got robbed, and I acted like it was nothing. I worked my ass off to get that. That person probably needed it more than me if he had to do that to get it anyway.
I could atleast try and have fun at D4fes with what I had already.

The next day, I woke up, not on the floor this time, but on my mattress.
I hoisted myself up and threw my clothes on, I had to swap between the same 3 suits every day, but it does the trick so I'm fine for now.
I started my 35 minute walk to D4fes 2 hours before it started so I could atleast have something to do today.
Today is a new day, a day different to yesterday, and the day before.
Everyday is repetitive, except today, I had something to look forward to for once today, and I'm grateful for that.

Rika Seto x Male ReaderWhere stories live. Discover now