ALL MY LUCKY STARS

Alexander

She really showed up.

Sophia really had the nerve to show up. I couldn't believe her. Well, I could. But I hoped that in between the three and a half years from when I last spoke to her, that maybe she'd mature a bit.

I guess some things never change.

I looked over to Amy, who was already staring me down with worry while Sophia made her way talking to my relatives. My relatives. As if she had any right to, as if she was my girlfriend. As if she didn't lie to them and me for our entire relationship.

"Oh shit," I heard Jack mumble beside me. "Want me to do something?"

"Nah," I told him. I got up from my seat and tapped on my glass with a spoon. I waited for the chatter to die down, and for my family that was seated outside to come back in. "So, I guess I'll start with the speeches," I said, looking around at everyone, ignoring Sophia. There was baby Emma, the newest addition to the family from my cousin Lena, Uncle Kenney's daughter. Uncle Kenney was my dad's brother. Aunt May, Aunt Barbara, Aunt Marie--dad's sisters. Uncle Ric, Uncle Vinny, and their kids, Reece, Abigail and Colleen. Frankly I forgot half the names of the people here. Most of my extended family's families I knew nothing about, only really know the ones that are directly related to my dad.

"We're gathered here today to remember my dad, Adam, who I know is watching us. Whether he's watching from above or below, I don't know," I said, glad that it caused a ripple of chuckles throughout. "He was a good man, for the most part. He loved as much as he was able to. I regret not spending more time with him," I started to choke on my words. Olivia reached out for my hand and I took it in mine and squeezed it. "I know everyone here had their issues with my dad, myself included. But I know in my heart that he never meant to be cruel. He was just troubled, and did the best he could do. I wish he was here so I could tell him I love him, no matter what. Because that's what family is for. Love, even in the hardest of times." I raised my glass and watched everyone follow. "To Adam, and also my lovely mother, Heidi, who's been waiting a long time for him."

A loud unison "To Adam" infiltrated my ears, and I felt a tear drop down my cheek. I knew in my peripheral vision that Sophia was walking over to me, so I quickly pulled Olivia up from the couch and hugged her.

"That was beautiful," she said. I sobbed into her, holding her tight, smelling her coconut hair.

Jake came over and joined the hug, and so did Amy. We were all a bundle of sobs and snot and sniffles. Aunt Marie, my father's eldest sister, made the speech next. Then we all kind of went down the line and said our favorite thing or memory about my father.

Once that was over, we ate the feast that everyone brought, finally feeling like we reached still water after days of treacherous storms.

Amy had curated a playlist of dad's favorite songs, which was playing all day long. Towards the late afternoon, we were all singing along to The Beatles and Queen, eating and drinking in between. I had relieved myself from the crowded living room to the patio outside with a drink.

"Hey," Sophia said, walking towards me.

"I don't even know why you came," I muttered.

"Don't be rude, Alex," she said flatly.

"I don't think you deserve anything else." She pouted her lips and took a sip from her drink.

"I just want to apologize," she said finally.

"Not necessary." I couldn't even try to be the bigger person here. Not today.

"I see you're here with Olivia. Your girlfriend?" She tried to lower herself to meet my eyes, but I avoided them.

"Yup."

"Does she know about me?"

"Know what? That you cheated on me for our entire relationship? Is that what you want her to know?"

She cleared her throat, almost shocked at how blunt I was being. "Alex, I don't want to do this today."

"So you think I do? At my dad's fucking funeral? Why did you even come? You didn't even like my dad. So just leave. I don't need your apologies, I don't want your small talk." I drank the rest of my whiskey, feeling its warmth coursing through my bloodstream.

"Alex... I still love you," she said.

"No, no, no. No you don't. Stop," I scoffed, standing up to face her, meeting her eyes, seeing that she might be telling the truth. Not that it mattered to me one bit.

That's when I noticed Olivia was standing in the doorway, curious of the commotion. Surely Sophia did too, because then she came up to me and kissed me.

I pulled away as quickly as I could. "What the fuck, Sophia!"

"I'm sorry, I just..."

"Leave!" I screamed so loudly that people from inside came out. "Don't ever call me again, don't ever call Amy again and don't you dare come by my fucking apartment again! Leave my family and me alone. Go get help. You clearly need it." I could see the tears forming in her eyes, but she turned and ran out the back gate.

Where did Olivia go? I ran up the stairs to the kitchen, trying to make my way through the very crowd I created. "Did anyone see where Olivia went?"

"Alex!" I heard Amy cry. "She left through the front." I hurriedly made my way through aunts and uncles until I was out on the front porch, Olivia nowhere in sight. I walked to the sidewalk, left and rig—

There.

"Olivia!" I screamed, jogging my way to her. "Wait up."

She didn't turn around, or even really acknowledge that I was calling to her. "Please, wait," I begged. She stopped finally but didn't turn around.

"She kissed you," she hissed.

"I know. I was there."

"Don't do that shit with me Alex, I can't. I can't be a maybe," she had tears in her eyes.

"A 'maybe'? Are you kidding? You seriously think that?" When she said nothing and just stared, I spoke again. "Please, don't go. Stay," with tears welling up in my eyes, I begged. "Just come with me and we can talk."

"I don't know, Alex."

"Will you please let me explain what happened? You saw it, right? I didn't kiss her back."

"I know, it still hurts, though," her lip quivered.

"I know, baby, but please come inside. You don't even have your coat and it's cold," I reached out to touch her arm but she flinched away. "Livvie," I said, stroking her hair, about to burst into tears. I couldn't take losing her. I couldn't keep losing people.

"Okay."