The Silk Moth Dream (Season 1 Complete)

EPISODE 18: CONFESSIONS

Fiona slides low into her seat while Abin uses the gas station bathroom. After everything that happened at the farm, they've been keeping an even lower profile than usual.

Something about the way that Lieutenant and the way they'd looked at Fiona... she can't shake it off, but she isn't sure if it's because they'd been so close to government officials, the very people that Fiona's mother had always been so against. Technically, there's no record of Fiona ever having been a part of Left Behind. No one knows that she'd been at OP-PALINURUS. But it wouldn't take much digging to find out who she spent her childhood with, and Fiona didn't want to stick around with what they did with that information.

"Thank you for waiting," Abin says when he returns to the car, as though Fiona would do otherwise.

"No problem," she says, trying to catch his eye, but he's preoccupied with buckling himself in.

Abin hasn't spoken much since that night since they left the farm, and Fiona has a sinking feeling it has something to do with the two men in the stairwell. Fiona doesn't often choose to kill in combat, opting instead for shooting at feet or miscellaneous limbs, but there have been times that the situation's called for it. After the Second Civil War in 2033, when the government was well past learning to handle the climate crisis, most people became desensitized to killing. It doesn't make Fiona feel good so she tries not to think about it — and no one else ever does. But Abin...

Dusk has properly settled upon them as they've continued to drive through Nevada, and it takes a while for Fiona to see it. But finally, the vague shapes take hold, and Fiona sees the familiar skeleton of a roller coaster through the muggy glass of the dome.

She remembers the exhilaration of cold air whipping against her cheeks when she first started going to this park. As a new immigrant from Korea, which was already falling from climate disasters, Fiona had thought that she'd never tasted anything as fresh as American air. But when the smog got bad here, too, they installed a dome so that people didn't have to wear their Sheltersuit helmets in the park. It wasn't quite the same after that.

"We used to go there," Fiona says eventually, pointing it out to Abin. "My mother would bring me, Shailene, and Evie during the summers. When we first got to America."

"What is it?"

Fiona opens her mouth to explain, in terms that he would know, but she's struck again with the realization of what different lives they've led. Maybe it's all the driving or plain delirium, but Fiona suddenly peels off the highway. "It's better if I show you," she finally says.

***

The roads to the amusement park are in desperate need of maintenance and clearly haven't been used in decades, but they make it through eventually. Fiona parks in the weeded-over parking lot, barreling past the empty ticketing booth.

Despite the rusting parts and overgrown greenery, the amusement park looks more or less like Fiona remembers. She can almost hear Shailene yelling, weaving in and out of the crowds as they play a silly game of tag. Fiona's mother would scream until they returned, and Fiona always pretended she was just some random stranger with anger issues. With a pang, Fiona wonders what her mother would say, seeing her running away from Left Behind right now.

"Is this... a factory?" Abin asks, trying to make sense of all of the looming mechanics. He'd only learnt what factories were in his first week at Left Behind, and is clearly having some trouble nailing down what it is exactly.

"It's a place where children are supposed to have fun," Fiona says, trying to keep her voice upbeat. "I guess this one's just been abandoned."

Abin frowns, taking in all the decrepit junk around them. "Master Ji-ham says all children need for fun is inner peace."