•It'll Be Okay• GENMUI

chapter 6

MASSIVE TW!!
Mui pov

I let my eyes adjust to the light, then looked around my room, I could mainly see my black and teal hair rapping around me like vines. But also saw my bland wall, tangled headphones on my desk next to me and my drawer with hoodies spilling out an empty compartment.

I sat my self up, rubbing my eyes. Then started trying to free myself from my hair, "fuck off- I'm in a grumpy mood, I will cut you off-" I tell it, my hair Doing nothing in return.

I start picking bits of it off my arms and torso before sliding my legs out of my covers and turning facing my wall. I put my feet on the ground and felt my hairbrush on the floor.

I picked it up and looked at all the black and blue hair wrapped between each bristle. I just stare at it before picking myself up and going into my bathroom.

I stare at myself in the mirror, I turned my shower on and took my shirt off, I looked at myself in the mirror.

"Damn.. when did I get so skinny..?"

I ask myself, I could practically see my ribs. I just tilted my head then looked at my arms both little scars on them. Then hoped in the shower after taking my shorts off.

I let my hair get wet first. So I can brush it with conditioner, I wash it every morning so it's easier to brush. Then I got a big glob of shampoo and started massaging it into my scalp, I could hear all the bubbles popping and getting rinsed out as I did it. I waited until I couldn't hear any popping, then got my conditioner. I got an even bigger glob and brushed it through my hair, I use a crap ton of it. Just to make it easy to brush.

Then I let it rinse out.

While it was rinsing out I starting zoning off. Thinking of wild as shit. I looked back down and looked at my left arm

I saw all these little cuts on it, then looked away immediately. "Stop mui.." I told myself, "how would yui feel if he found out you did that to yourself?" I add.

I can't stop though.. it's basicly a cycle.. you can't get out of it..

I just took a deep exhale, my right arm had scars on it from previously doing it, then picking at the scabs everytime it somewhat healed.. I just need to stop. But it's so hard..

I grab my bodywash and just pump some on my hand, I rubbed it into my arm.

"Just don't think about it.. nothings wrong.." I say, rubbing it into my arm while looking away so I can't see all the scabs.

I rinse the arm under the water before washing the rest of my body.

Then I got out and wrapped a towel around my waist.

I grabbed my brush and started brushing it, bottom to top, I was thinking about what style to do..

I can't do much.. what about uh.. bun?

I just brushed until it got to the really matted stuff.

"Agh.. fuck.." I say, grabbing it and looking at the matted chunk in the mirror. "Why can't I look after myself.. I just need to cut my hair for goodness sake.." I say,

That's what I always tell myself, to cut my hair. But every time I've even tried trimming it I can't.. I don't like the change.. everything's stressful enough, so cutting it wouldn't be good.. I don't think I'm going to cut it.. atleast.. I don't want to..

I took a breath, then started viciously brushing the Matt. Then after five minutes of it doing nothing I just sat on my stool and almost cried.

"I hate this.."

That's all I could push out. "I'm not gonna do the rest.. I'm just tying it up.." I tell myself, stopping me from getting overwhelmed and having a fit about my hair.

I grabbed a hairtye and put my hair in a messy bun. I stared at myself for a good minute or two.

I just-

Looked at myself-

Looked at my arms, my shoulders- basicly everything. I didn't feel like doing anything today. I don't feel good..

"I Wanna see yui today.." I say, remembering that I have to go to gyokkos.

"Wait.. fuck.. I have to go to that gyokkos house.." I blurt out. "Whatever, it's not now. I'm just gonna go get dressed." I say, walking out and going to find some shorts and a hoodie.