Inked Desires

Chapter 5

"Look who remembered about me!" The next day, when I called my friend Nicole, she exclaimed, "What are you doing, stranger, are you still alive?" She then inquired of me.

"Hey, yeah, I'm still alive, albeit barely alive," I replied.

"Oh, okay. I thought you were dead because you hadn't called me in a long time!" she joked.

"I apologize for not calling you sooner, but I simply did not have the time. I was very busy with work and grandma, but I'm not going to tell you anything else because you already know everything." With a sigh, I apologized once more.

"I understand, but you could have talked to me for at least a minute!" she mocked me, before asking "How are you?"

"I'm perfectly fine! I'm a little stressed, but otherwise, I'm fine. I've had two weeks off and would like to go out for a drink sometime. I miss spending time with you!"

"So, I'm free all day today and tomorrow! We can go out tonight if you want!"

"Perfect, we'll talk more then!" I replied before hanging up the phone.

I decided to go for a run since it was still early. My leg muscles began to go limp after about an hour of soft running, and my lungs begged for air, but I pushed my body as hard as I could to release the tension I'd been carrying for so long. When I heard my phone ring, I stopped running, and when I answered, I discovered it was the doctor who was treating my grandmother, which caused a knot to immediately form in my stomach.

"Hello?" I replied, my voice shaking with effort while wiping the sweat from my forehead with the back of my hand.

"Good day, Miss Donev! I'm the doctor who treats your grandmother! "On the other end of the phone, he began speaking.

"Yes, sir, I remember you!" I had to interrupt him.

"I'm glad you recall me! When are you available to come and discuss your grandmother's situation? "He enquired.

"How soon do you want me to arrive?" I responded by asking him another question.

"As soon as! Today would be ideal. I'll be in my office until 5 p.m."

"All right! I'll be there in an hour!" I told him before I hung up the phone.

It took me only 30 minutes to get home, shower, dress in high-waisted jeans and a white tank top, put my hair up in a messy bun, and drive to the doctor's office.

"Do you want a coffee?" the doctor asked when I arrived.

"No, thank you! Let's get right to it!" I was impatient and curious to hear what he had to say.

"All right, but sit down first!" he said softly, with an expression on his face that caused me to frown.

I did as he instructed, then motioned for him to continue, the knot in my stomach growing increasingly painful.

"I called to tell you that your grandmother's disease had spread to other organs! She is nearing the end of the disease's progression."

"You're trying to tell me she's going to... die soon, aren't you?" I asked softly, my voice nearly choking me and tears welling up in my eyes, eliciting a small nod of approval and a sympathetic look from him. "But I don't get it!" I said, allowing tears to stream down my cheeks. "When I went to see her yesterday, she was looking much better, her cheeks had some color and she could even walk, with the help of a cane, but she was walking on her own. The situation has drastically changed. And what about the treatments I've been paying for so long? Aren't they effective anymore?" I inquired, desperate for an answer.

"Miss Donev, you must understand that your grandmother is quite old, and her body is not as strong as it once was. As a result, some treatments may be sequential for her or may hasten the progression of her disease. Her experience was exactly the opposite. The disease spread so quickly that even we, the doctors, were unable to stop it in time."

I was devastated. When I felt like my voice was being strangled when I wanted to speak again, I realized I was sobbing.

"Can anything else be done?" I asked him between sobs.

"If you wish, we will continue to give her the treatment, but I advise you to discontinue it because it only relieves her pain, but the inevitable will happen at some point!"

"You mean you're telling me there's nothing I can do?"

"Unfortunately not!" he responded, and I nodded.

"How much longer does she have?" I inquired, wiping my tears away with the back of my hand.

"It all depends on the circumstances! If we continue to give her the treatment, it will relieve her pain, but she will die in two months at most; if we stop, she will suffer from the pain and live for six months at most. It's now up to you whether you want us to stop or continue giving it to her."

I began to sob even more. What should I have done? Allowing them to continue treating her for pain which meant she would die sooner or allowing her to suffer every day from the pain to keep her close to me for another six months. I couldn't let her die, but I also couldn't let her suffer from the pain; that would have been selfish of me, even if it meant keeping her by my side a little longer.

In any case, I would have felt guilty for the rest of my life, especially because I knew that if she had been here with me, she would have told me to choose the first option because she felt like she was a burden to me, and if I had chosen the second option, she would never have forgiven me.

I was thinking about what I was going to do all the way back home. So, before I went home, I stopped by my Grandma's house to talk with her. When I entered, I felt as if a stone had been placed on my heart. She was asleep in her bed. She was once again pale in the face and appeared to be dehydrated. Her eyes were closed, but when she sensed my presence, she opened them slightly and threw me a tight smile.

"Grandma!" I murmured, trying to keep the tears from falling down my cheeks.

"You did go see the doctor, didn't you?" her barely audible voice asked.

I nodded and kissed her hand.

"Grandma, tell me what to do," I asked, my eyes welling up and my head resting on her stomach.

She began to caress the top of my head with a trembling hand, whispering softly:

"Do what your heart tells you, my dear!", causing me to sob even more.

"My heart tells me to keep you as close to me as possible, Grandma, but that means you will suffer every day for the rest of your life!" Between sobs, I said.

"Then pick the option that is best for both you and me! Even if it means for me dying sooner."

"But I can't lose you because I'm not ready to lose you! And I never will be!" I tightened my grip on her frail body.

She was now reaching for my chin, lifting it so I could look at her. When I did, she said quietly:

"You'll never lose me, Milla, because I'll always be there with you no matter where you go! I adore you and I know you are a strong woman who will manage to live her life without me just fine! You're prepared, even if you don't realize it yet. You have to let go, and let me go."

Her words cut me to the core, but I knew she was correct. That's what she wanted as well; she wanted to end the suffering and for me to be at ease knowing she was leaving this world. I knew which option I would take, so I reached for the phone after leaving my grandmother and called the doctor, telling him in a strangled voice that I wanted him to continue the treatment.

It was time to meet Nicole, so I took a shower, put on a black dress with long sleeves and short mid-thighs, a pair of white sneakers on my feet, let my hair down, and applied natural make-up before heading to one of the pubs in town, where she had texted me saying she was waiting for me.

I'm not happy at all with this chapter. My mind is fucking with me nowadays.😣😣😣