Monster Like You

Chapter 15

I wanted to visit Nathaniel right after the breakdown, but of course they wouldn't let me. On that day, only the maintenance staff came to him and only under heavy security. They cleaned up the effects of the outburst and brought food, but Nathaniel didn't pay any attention to them. He wasn't even in sight of the cameras. We left the bedroom area and the bathroom without surveillance, believing that he should have some privacy.

Gervase was against me going to Nathaniel the next day as well. We understood that it could be dangerous. Even if he didn't throw himself at me, his tongue could sting painfully. But I insisted anyway. Deep down, I even wanted his anger, it seemed to me that I deserved it for what I had allowed.

He kept hiding from the cameras on the bed. He lay in his clothes on top of the bedspread and stared blankly at the ceiling. I suspected he'd been like this all night.

"How are you?" I asked cautiously, omitting the useless greeting, and involuntarily crossed my arms over my chest, as if trying to protect myself from his verbal cruelty in advance.

"Honestly, I won't go crazy if you leave me alone for at least a couple of days," he grumbled. "Rather the opposite."

"I am very sorry about what happened to your child."

"Oh, are you sorry? Obviously, this should make me feel better right away," Nathaniel typed without opening his eyes. "I don't need your sympathy, Vet. I don't need anyone's sympathy. And I don't need your daily visits either."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"I want you not to come at all."

"You know, she herself agreed that it would be better this way," I said for some reason. "Alyss. Not immediately, but she agreed that it was safer that way."

This was a bit of an exaggeration. When I first voiced to Alyss the need to terminate the pregnancy, she first burst into tears, begging to come up with another way. Then she said that she would prefer to take the risk and die. Then she got mad when I said that no one would allow such an option. The guards barely managed to get me out of her room.

A day later, when I was allowed to see her again, Alyss was already calm. Too calm, which was even a little scary. She didn't look at me, and she stood facing the window for the entire short conversation, even when I approached her.

"Do what you have to do," she said tonelessly. "Only then either release or put to sleep. I don't want to see any of you."

"Me too?"

"Especially you."

I knew this would happen, but I didn't think it would be so hard to hear it. It seemed that such a decision would free me, but it only got worse. I tried to talk to Sirius, to explain that this was not the way out, but he just shook his head ruefully.

"It's already been decided, Vet. She agreed, and the management agreed. You know it's better for you, too."

I already doubted, but I didn't protest anymore. If Alyss has come to terms with the loss of a child, then why mess with her once again?

I haven't seen her since. At least in my mind. I was allowed to visit Alyss while she was recovering from anesthesia after a transplant operation, but she was asleep. Gervase promised that as soon as Alyss showed a desire to talk to me, he would tell me about it.

"Until then, don't provoke her. It's already hard for her."

I agreed with that, too. Also because I felt guilty. I wasn't sure I could hold her gaze. After all, in a sense, I betrayed Alyss. She trusted me, and I let them do it to her. The fact that I became her donor and now she has found the desired freedom, could hardly compensate for the damage caused.