Not Acid Nor Alkaline ~ Sleep Token FF ~

15.No Way Back

Vessel's POV:

I stopped for a moment and looked at Emma. I pulled her a little closer, lowering my head. Our faces close enough so I could feel her breath against my lips.
'Are you sure you want to continue  without knowing who I am?', I whispered.
She stepped a little back.

I knew this would happen. She wasn't the first that pushed me back, she wouldn't be the last I'd guess.
It's not that I wouldn't show her who I was, but I needed more time, I needed to trust her.

'Maybe you want to let me know who you are, maybe even more than you want to admit it.', she looked sterned.
I needed to let that sink in for a moment.

'Emma, maybe I want and maybe I want to know about your past. But I know it is better for now if it stays this way. Instead I would appreciate spending time with you and see if both of us develope enough trust.'
She nodded and came back closer.
I pulled her closer into an embrasse.
She was so small against myself.
Her head was resting against my chest. I don't know how long we stood there.

'How should we see each other again?', Emma asked me after a while.
'I'm sorry.', I began. 'It is not like I am able to spend my time with you in a usual way.' We both chuckled, I guess she was imagining the same as me. It was simply impossible for me to go out on a date with her in a park like that.
I thought about it and came up with an idea that was quite a big step for me.

'If you want, you can visit my rehearsal room the next time.', I didn't tell her that it was my safe place.
'I'd love to.', Emma smiled and took my hand to continue the walk.
It felt good to be around her, it felt innocent, like we were teenager.

'Do you have more...Rituals...in the near future?', Emma asked.
'Not in the next weeks. I do enjoy them, but I am also very fond of the pure music itself.', I explained to her. 'There are times I need to be alone and get everything out of the system and just compose.'
She nodded. 'I see. You are a lonewolf, like me.' I felt her little hand tightening the grip for a second.
I softly stroke a single time over her hand.

'Tell me a bit about yourself.', I said to the woman next to me.
'Well, what don't you know about me? I mean, I don't know how long you were sticking around me already.', she giggled.
'I don't know a lot about you. But I enjoy being around you. I'd would like to know about your particular likings.', I returned.
'Well, if I'm not at a graveyard or at Rituals of yours, I am working at Starbucks. Recently I finished my masters in chemistry and wait for my results. I live together with Abby, a friend of mine. She recently came together with my co-worker Matt that's a friend of mine as well. In my free time...', there was a pause in her telling. '...I like being for myself. I have nothing special I enjoy. I listen to music and read a lot.'
'That's nothing bad. I am doing nearly the same. I am making music and read as well.', I explained.
'What do you read?', Emma asked intrested.
'Non-fiction books. I enjoy scientific literature as well as devotional literature. Maybe I just like to gain knowledge in general.'

We talked for a while until we ended up being back at the chapel.
I opened the huge wooden door for her and let her in.
'I'll bring you home.', I said to Emma after I had packed the e-piano and some other things.
She looked questioningly to me.
'I came by car.', I explained to her pointing at my stuff.
Eventhough Emma wanted to help me, I carried everything by myself to the car and she walked next to me.
I felt her eyes on me from time to time.

She took a seat on the passenger side and I walked to the drivers side as soon as everything was inside the car.
'I know, the car is nothing fancy...', I mumbled while starting the engine.
'It's more than I have.', she returned.
I found the way back to her home and parked close to the entrance.

'I can't tell you enough how much I enjoyed this evening. I mean, who could tell having an own song? And especially such a beautiful one.', Emma smiled, I never saw her smile like that over the last weeks.
'I am glad you appreciate it.', I said and turned a bit to face her.
And right away Emma leaned over to me and kissed me as if it was the most natural thing.
My lips curled a little, it has been a while for me to have feelings like this.

'Just send me a message later when you have your off days, ok?', I mumbled after we parted.
'Sure. Have a good night.', her eyes were trying to search for mine, but she wasn't able to see them. I stroke softly over her cheek. 'Sleep well, Emma.', I returned with a little smile.

I was still sitting in the car watching her until the entrance door closed behind her.

How should this be continued? How would this be possible to work?

I wasn't quiet sure about it, but there was no way back.