Not Acid Nor Alkaline ~ Sleep Token FF ~

29.Give

Emma's POV

I must have fallen asleep somehow.
I woke up in the arms of him. He held me tight and I could barely move.
I felt bad for calling him that night, but I was more than happ he came as fast as he could and stayed with me al the night.
As much as I appreciated Abby trying to help me, she wasn't the right person for it.

Instead this man became my everything in no time. He was the one I became worried about the most and he was the one that calmed me and was just there for me.
I nuzzled closer against him, listening to his breathing, feeling his warm body against my skin.
He was my safespace, I was sure.

But as soon as I tried to fall asleep again, my mind began racing. Where should my mother be burried? Should I take care for it?

As if he felt my inner disquiet, his arms tightened slightly and a little kiss on my forehead showed me that he wasn't fully asleep anymore.
'Try to get some more sleep.', he whispered. It was a soothing voice, but it wasn't enough to make me actually rest again.
I was still awake and waited for him to fall asleep again. Then I tried sneaking out as quiet as possible. I got my sweater on and with bare feet I tapped outside, closing the door really slowly behind me.

I took a quick shower before I walked into the kitchen where Abby was sitting and eating some cereals.
'You're awake? How do you feel?', she asked me.
'Could be better, could be worse.', I said while making myself a little bowl with cereals as well.
I took a seat across from her.
'Is he still sleeping?', she asked me and I just nodded.
'I can understand why you were falling for him.'

I looked up to her and frowned.
'He's a good man. He cares for you a lot, he was so worried about you and immediatly drove here from wherever he had been. And he looks handsome.', Abby giggled over her last sentence.
'He hadn't his mask on?', I asked suprised. I hadn't thought about it that night.

'No, he was in the car. Maybe he hadn't got it with him and he didn't care that night. You really are important to him. Keep him, Emma.', Abby smiled and I returned it.
The noise of someone clearing his throat interrupted us.

Surprised I turned around and saw him leaning against the door frame.
How long has he standing there? Did he listen our concersation?
'Good morning', he greeted Abby and smirked as soon as his eyes were back on me. He walked to us and leaned down to me, giving me a little kiss. His hands were placed on my shoulders and he gentle rubbed them.

'Good morning.', Abby said now in a lot nicer tone than the last time.
'I'm sorry, I couldn't sleep anymore.', I excused myself. 'I couldn't stop overthinking.'
He was still standing behind me, his hands softly massaging my neck and shoulders. He placed a kiss on my hair.

'Don't worry. I can understand you. I just hope you're feeling a bit better. If you like, I can support you taking care of the next steps.'
I grabbed one of his hands and gently squeezed it. 'Thank you. I can't tell how much I appreciate having you here and knowing you are alright' I slightly turned my head and looked to the man.

The rest of the weekend wasn't as planned at all. I had packed some things and we went to his place again. I didn't want to sleep in my bed again any time soon.
We had been sitting together and most of the time he listened while I was talking about my past with my parents. This whole Saturday I was torn between sadness and hatred, but he just kept holding me when I needed it, he let me go, when I wanted to pace around in anger.
I don't know how he did this, but at the end of the day I felt reliefed.

Late in the evening we had ordered food and we sat together at the small table, first in silence, but soon I had helt the urge to break it.
I placed the cuttlery on the table and looked at him. He froze right before he wanted to put his fork with pasta into his mouth. He looked at me questioningly.

'I'm sorry, I don't want to interrupt you. Just eat.', I excused me abashed.
'I, I just wanted to thank you - for everything. It really means a lot to me what you are doing for me. I can't imagine how stressfull my mood must have been for you that whole night and today.'
He swallowed the rest of his food he had continued to eat and placed his cuttlery down as well.

'Em, it is the least I can do.', he began, he wrinkled his forehead and took my hand. He took a deep breath before he continued. 'This is what love is all about.' Did he say love? Was this a way of saying me that he loves me?
'I just don't take it front granted. It means  everything to me having you by my side.', my heart began beating so fast. Was I ready to say the words?
I chickened out. It didn't feel the right time to say it during dinner.

'We should better continue eating. And afterwards you can sit at the window again and I'll play you something on the piano, alright?', he slightly smiled before he let go of my hand. 'Yes. I'd love that.', and it was the first time I realised myself smiling again that day.

After we finished dinner, he insisted cleaning the dishes himself and I should just take a seat at the window.
Instead I went to the piano right away and tried to remember what he had taught me last time.

I failed a few times, before I remembered right. 'I definitly need more piano lessons.', I laughed as he walked over to me. 'We can arrange that.', he chuckled and took a seat next to me. 'But you did really good after just a little I had showed you.' He kissed my forehead softly. I stood up and sat down on the matress close by. I looked up to the man and waited for him to start playing.

You take the dark and carve me out a home
I picture you when you are all alone
I know how we got here
I know how we got here
I am the shadow, you're a passenger
I am the intake of breath so
Sharp and I know you better
Just want to know you better

If you want to give
Then give me all that you can give
All your darkest impulses
And if you want to give me anything
Then give give in again

(...)

In this open warfare i won't fight fair
No, I won't fight fair
And in your waking moments i will be there
I will be there

(...)

His voice and the piano play made me tear up. He found the right words to match up what I was feeling.

Instead of looking out the window, my eyes were glued to the man sitting at the piano. Little tears kept rolling down my face and I had a hard time finding words.
When he had played the last keys, his hands stayed in the position. He looked at me, both of us frozen in the position we've been in.
I don't know how long we have been like that, but both of us stood up in the same moment without saying a word or laughing about the coincidence.

We met in the middle standing in front of each other, looking each other in the eyes. His hands reached out for my hips. One of my arms rested on his arm, with my other hand I reached out and touched his cheek. My thumb softly stroke over the skin.
It was my voice that broke the silence, with words I had thought a lot about today. In this moment it felt right to finally tell him about my feelings, giving him all.

'I can't describe how thankful I am meeting you and having you by my side.', my voice felt shaky. 'If you would have asked me a few weeks ago if I'd think I'd meet a special person that is able to finally break my walls, I had been building over years, I would have declined this would be possible.

I have never felt this way before.' I made a little pause. I was so nervous confessing my feelings to him.
My hands felt cold against his skin,yet I realised I blushed again.
He stayed quiet and didn't move at all. We was just holding me, giving me the time and space I needed.
My heart felt like it would burst out of my chest any minute.
'I love you.', I finally said and now I hoped he would feel the same and not break my heart.