Sodo hated days like these. There were no words to describe how absolutely destroyed he felt. No matter how much he tried, he couldn't stop the shaking. His thoughts echoed his nightmares, and a small part of him wished he had never woken up in the first place.
His eyes trailed over the scars on his forearms, the remnants of who he used to be.
Will it ever end?
Cal was fast asleep next to him, much to his relief. He wouldn't know what to tell her if she woke up. He sighed quietly, running his hands through his hair, tugging at the roots like the discomfort could distract him from the nightmare. No, it wasn't just a nightmare. It happened. It was reality.
She stirred, turning around so she was facing him. She was mumbling something, as she often did. She talked a lot in her sleep- nothing he could decipher, of course- and he couldn't bring himself to tell her about it.
His sigh was shakier this time as he slowly laid back down, staring up at the canopy of her bed. He focused on stilling his erratic breathing and frantic heartbeat. He could swear that the scars on his chest burnt like they were brand new all over again.
He knew it was all in his head. He knew it was. But that didn't make it feel any less real.
Sodo could hear Alpha's voice, taunting him in the back of his mind like a malicious psalm, reciting those words over and over again. You can pretend all you want, you can't change what you are.
He knew that. He fucking knew that. And he sure as hell didn't need Alpha to tell him that.
Cal threw a sleepy arm over him, causing him to jump. He wanted to scowl at her, but he couldn't- seeing as she'd just saved him from himself. Again.
She held him tighter, and he let out a quiet, albeit shaky, laugh as he shifted onto his side, to make it more comfortable for the both of them.
The thoughts stilled after a while and he could finally drift away.
***
"Why do I have to come along?" Cal whined, fixing her uniform - meaning, she was tugging at it uncomfortably whilst wishing she was back in her pyjamas. It was her first time wearing it in about a year, and it sure as hell was uncomfortable.
"Copia asked for you," Sodo grumbled back, buttoning his shirt- if you could even call it that, Cal had no idea how the logistics of it worked - tying his hair back before tugging on his balaclava and securing his mask into place. "I'm not too thrilled about it, either."
"Aw, don't you look dapper in your little outfit," She teased, twisting an uncomfortable strap on her heel back into place.
Sodo paused, glowering at her from behind his mask. "Now I really don't want you there."
"Cry about it," Cal rolled her eyes, following him into the music room, or 'studio', as he called it these days.
"Damn, Dew, can't even be bothered to hold a door open for a lady?" A ghoul she recognized as Swiss called from one of the platforms, securing his guitar on a strap.
"Cal's not a lady, Cal's a..." He trailed off, eyeing her as he tried to find the words.
"A what?" Swiss asked, and Cal could only imagine he was raising a brow.
"Yeah, what am I?" Calliope wondered aloud, crossing her arms as she awaited his reply.
"A pain in my ass," He settled finally, wandering off to get his guitar.
"Dew!" Cumulus scolded, looking offended enough for the both of them.
"It's okay," Cal chimed, dismissing Sodo with a wave. "He's not wrong."
