Warrior Nun Season 3: In the Next (Avatrice)

Chapter 2: Like A Void Without Her

Luke 11:24 - "When the unclean spirit has gone out of a person, it passes through waterless places seeking rest, and finding none it says, 'I will return to my house from which I came.'

Catching a plane, the third time that week not mentioning the trips on the last three months, Beatrice's life seems like a blur. The trips kept her sane, felt like a lifeline filling an emptiness that would never be occupied enough to accept the reality. She was gone and she let her be. She let her go, Ava. She has to, to save her this time. Damn it to hell. That is if she speaks her mind every time she came to dwell on her guilty thoughts. The moment she let go of the woman she loved with just as much as God, a piece of her soul left with her. Left Beatrice stuck on a void fulfilling a purpose she has doubts if she can still go over.

For Beatrice, Ava was not just the warrior nun, for her she was always more. She was a true friend, a sister, a family you can ask for, a woman she wants and would glad to spend her whole life with. She was her catalyst, her weakness as well as strength. That day she came back to Cat's Cradle. Beatrice knows Ava just wanted to have a place where she belongs. Being an orphan on a young age, not been able to see the world like the others moreover she was stuck to a place she was not treasured. It resonated with her. Ava could have just ran away never come back but she did, it was more than just a place to be, but to be somewhere she thinks she wanted to be with. She has accepted her fate with her Sister Warriors, not for the church but to fight for what's the good of the world, though it leads them to an unlivable one, at least for Beatrice.

Ava may have been conceited and a coward on her first impression but she was the most selfless person she was blessed to get to know. Ava cared for everyone. She even accepted and forgave Vincent in a heartbeat just because she saw how he has relented; restoring his faith to the rightful even she knows deep inside her faith on her own was vague. Beatrice has never, though years she gave to the church made her learned that value by heart, troubled till this time to give forgiveness but with Ava she was truly the kindest of them all. Her heart was so pure, so free. Free from hatred and judgement, she was the first person who tried to treasure the beauty in her. 'Don't hate what you are. What you are is beautiful.' Beatrice laughed softly just thinking about it, tears threatening to escape from her eyes again. The beauty she was blinded to see because of self-hate, Ava saw her flaws but never ever thought of it as one.

Beatrice shut her eyes trying to stop the escaping tears but the moment she did, Ava's face saying those words came back to her. "I love you... Let me go." As she sat on the plane thankfully alone on the entire row of seat, tears of pain came rushing down her cheeks like raindrops.

The guilt she felt was unbearable that in time when Mother Superion and Camila told her she needs to train the new recruits, she packed her bag immediately to leave. Being surrounded by them, the other sister warriors, staying at Cat's Craddle continuing the cause the Order of the Cruciform Sword had sworn to God and continuing them without her seems harder for her to take in. God forbid her, but it felt pointless, futile and not her anymore. To decide on staying with the church, to pray for her sins to be forgiven for loving a woman, only God knows if she can ever see again. To just continue and move on with life to that environment being surrounded by people who knew what she truly feel inside no matter how hard she stay unbothered. It was a lot to take in so she knew she needed to stay away.

Beatrice was afraid to believe that the moment Ava chose to sacrifice herself for everyone including her, to live everyone lives fully without Adriel's threat it would be as well the time she felt like dying. For Beatrice to truly live her life won't come true and for truth to set her free, Beatrice cursed Ava silently on how stupid to think it all was because she felt lifeless more than ever. That is because Ava was not here in this life anymore.