Warrior Nun Season 3: In the Next (Avatrice)

Chapter 5: Sweet Hope

1 John 4:18 -There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love.

˜Ava˜

I feel like untangling another part of myself as I changed to something more earthly. It has been almost two decades that I get to wore something like this. I looked myself at the mirror combing my chestnut hair out my face. Looking passed the brown eyes, I see a woman struggling to fight her destiny for so many times. How many lifetimes should I have and felt like I owe it and has to live it for something else. I decided that this would be the last, and I will live it the way I believed I deserved it to be. My staring contest to my reflection was broke off when I heard a buzzing coming from Camila's phone which is now of my possession. I saw a text. It was from Beatrice. My heart beat took a leap when I saw what she wrote.

"Can't talk right now Camila. I'm flying, we'll talk when I get home."

She might not have got the message, that I told her it was me who texted. Or she might just be thinking it was Camila talking about me but does she mean home as in going back here or in her place where she was staying? I was telling-off myself that I should have just texted exactly what I meant as for her to say where she is exactly. Her phone might already be on airplane mode so I cannot call her immediately but I still did, however I got the unconnected call as assumed. Though I was hoping she meant home here, where her family is. I exited the changing room and look for Camila to tell her about Beatrice.

"Have you talked to her?" Camila asked as I approached her on the kitchen, brewing something. "No, but she left a message. She's travelling." I answered her as I showed her what Beatrice has managed to reply. Camila saw the message history as well and the look in my eyes when I was staring back at the small contraption.

"Ava, she might sound like she has lost hope here but she never did. She was just upset that's all. I know that she's never ever lost hope that you'll come back. Among all of us, your leaving seems to be the hardest for her so you must understand that not having positive news or even any news about the arc, about you, give her more reason to be far away. You are our sister Ava and it breaks us to face the truth that will not ever going to see you again. It's like with Shannon and Mary losing them was hard but for Beatrice it was way harder because you, you mean to her even more." Camila said and I hope what she was true since cracking Beatrice's fascinating mind was tougher than rock.

"It seemed like she felt guilty though she has nothing to do with it. We tried to tell her. She said that if she just gave a little more, make you feel less alone. Shouldering the responsibility of the Warrior Nun maybe you would not choose to do it all alone." Camila said and it hurts me.

I know I pushed her way, pushed everyone away, what I chose was hard for everyone especially for Beatrice but hearing she had blame herself for my decision, it pained me still.

"If I have to do it again, I'll do it again if it means all for your safety." That would the response I can say even it took everything on me to fully accept it. My death always seems the easiest solution.

"Do you still love her Ava? After all those years on the other side?" Camila asked bluntly. I looked at her but I was in my head and looked passed on what I have felt. Everything of what I was feeling. I don't want to assume that they know how I truly felt about Beatrice. Yasmine has witnessed how I shown it, that time before the confrontation with Adriel. I don't know if Beatrice even told them that. I wasn't ashamed of it. On the other side there was not a single day that I do not think about her. Her smile, her eyes how radiant they both are under the sun. The way her skin glowed with those faint freckles she had above her cheeks. Those could be physical beauty but her soul, that kind-hearted, caring Beatrice even the smooth British accent she had, damned she never knew how that makes me crazy.