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T.J's Regret (Recess)

Why do we take chances? Do we only want to take the opportunities because we do not know the outcome?

T.J'S POV

I don't know why I did it. I couldn't hold back, watching her from afar as others attempted to win the forbidden beauty known as my best friend and longtime crush, Ashley Spinelli. But why, why did I kiss her? Everything was going so well, and if I hadn't been so blind, I would've seen that it could've been possible that we could've been something. Instead, however, I had to go and screw up. Screw up the only chance I would ever have of succeeding and finally getting the person I had loved for many years. I, T.J Detweiler, had ruined my only chance at happiness with the one person I wanted to spend that with.
Not even my friends could coax me out of my room the day after the incident; frankly, I'm glad they didn't. I was a ticking time bomb during that time, and I would've just raised hell on them if I had been conversational. What good is it to have friends ready to help you if you just explode on them? However, I returned to school the next day after talking with my parents. I haven't seen or spoken to her in the last four days since the incident. I didn't want to, though; I just wanted to forget it happened. But of course, with actions come consequences.

FRIDAY

I saw her again for the first time today, and her appearance broke me. Here was the most feared and ruthless girl in baggy clothes with her hood up and messy hair. I caught a glimpse of her face for a second, but it was no longer holding the same glow as it usually did. Her eyes have heavy bags and are red, as if she's been crying for hours. What has become of her? Where was that sarcastic and brilliant girl I'd fallen in love with? Where has she gone? Had I done this to her?
As soon as she saw me, she ran. Instead of thinking logically, I chased after her. I darted between groups of students, earning a few glares and shouts from the ones I pushed aside to catch the raven beauty. I wasn't thinking straight, but love does things to a person, so I didn't think much of it. She ran out the gates of the school and headed down the street. I continued to follow her until I reached a familiar place. A place that I thought I'd forgotten. It was my elementary school.
As I marveled at the old building, I saw raven hair running underneath one of the play structures.
"Spinelli!" I called out to her. I looked around and spotted her under Old Rusty. I walked towards her slowly in case she decided to run again. It almost felt like I was cornering a wild animal. But this wasn't an animal; this was my friend.
"Spinelli?" I asked quietly. She didn't move but responded with a low grunt. I moved closer until I was entirely under the play structure. She was sitting on the ground with her legs pulled close to her chest. Her hood was still up.
"May I sit?"
"It's a free country," she muttered.
I sat about a foot away from her, and I didn't think she'd notice, but she did.
"I don't have any diseases. So move closer."
I didn't think she'd want me even ten feet next to her, but I'm not going to question her decision.
"So—."
"Listen, T.J, I know what you're going to say, but let me speak first."
I nodded.

THIRD PERSON POV

"The day that you—kissed me. I'll admit that, at first, I was freaking out and trying not to gag, which is why I ran off. But my heart started to beat faster once I was far away from you and the gang. I felt my cheeks become hot, and my legs became weak. I had no idea what was happening, and it scared me. I went home shortly after. All night I replayed what happened between us in my head repeatedly. I tried to understand why you did it, why you kissed me." She paused. "I initially thought you liked me, which I gagged on." Spinelli confessed and turned to T.J, who winced. She quickly offered him an apologetic look.
"Sorry. But then, as I thought more about it, I sort of—liked it. I can't explain how it happened. I just knew that I liked it. Gretchen came by the next day, but I didn't talk to her. I was in denial. I didn't want to believe that I might start to become soft. I didn't get any sleep that night, either. It was an ongoing battle with my heart and mind. That's why I didn't talk to you and avoided everyone else. I wasn't ready to talk. Finally, Gretchen seemed to get the hint that I didn't want to speak, so she stopped bothering me.
But, towards the end of the week, I started to miss you. I missed you in a way that I had never experienced before. I wanted to see your face. I wanted you to speak to me.
I went home yesterday and decided I wanted to talk to you the next day. But today, when I got to school, I chickened out. I was afraid. I didn't know what you would think when I told you about my mushy feelings. And, when you looked at me, I ran for the hills. I kept telling myself to stop, but my legs kept moving. I didn't know where I was going, but some instinct told me to run here—to the place where everything was normal and not complicated.
My instinct took me back to when we were just kids and not worried about anything except primary homework and recess. I miss those days, T.J when we didn't have to worry about relationships or the future. But I know we have to grow up eventually. I just don't know if I'm ready yet."

T.J remained quiet, listening intently and hanging on to every word that came out of her mouth. He also missed the days when he and the gang were foiling Finster's plans or solving problems on the playground. But he also understood that life moves on and you're expected to grow up at some point.
"I get it, Spinelli. I miss those days too. And trust me when I say I also gagged after discovering that I liked you too. I called Vince, who wasn't much help. He mostly just laughed. After that, I thought back to all the times we shared. And every time, no matter what I did, my heart would beat faster. But I understand your position and plan to respect your wishes to the fullest extent, I promise."
Spinelli was in awe of his speech. Even after all these years, T.J.'s speech talent hadn't wavered. However, his saying he'd "respect her wishes" upset her. She didn't want that. She wanted him to tell her that he liked her. Yes. The great Spinelli wanted a boy to tell her he liked her. With this revelation in mind, Spinelli decided it was time to stop hiding. After all, actions speak louder than words.
T.J watched and waited for Spinelli to say something, anything. When she still hadn't responded, he grew worried. Did he say something wrong? Finally, he hung his head and decided to leave. It was official. He'd ruined not only his chances at love but his friendship altogether. As he started to get up, a hand suddenly grabbed onto his. T.J turned around to see Spinelli. Her hood had fallen, revealing her face. And much to his dismay, he noticed freshly fallen tears.
"Spinelli?" He asked in alarm and moved closer to her. Suddenly, Spinelli tugged at his jacket and pulled him into a hug. She held the boy dearly and didn't want to let him go. The two remained in that position for several minutes. Spinelli's breathing eventually began to slow, and she soon let go of T.J's green jacket and settled with resting her head on his chest. T.J wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on the top of hers. A couple of minutes later, Spinelli moved her head to look at T.J properly.
"T.J?" She asked softly.
"Yes?"
"Are you getting that feeling again?"
"Yeah, I am," He confessed shyly.
"Good."
After saying those words, Spinelli grabbed onto T.J.'s shirt and kissed him. The sheer passion from the action left T.J speechless for a moment. In that time frame, Spinelli was immediately regretting her decision. She was about to pull away when she felt him kiss her back. The kiss was shy at first, much like the one they had shared when they were nine years old. But, it soon turned passionate. They moved closer until they were practically molded together. A minute later, they separated. As they stared into each other's eyes, they could have sworn they'd seen sparkles. The two sat there in silence until they decided it was time to return to school. When they returned, there was a two-hour detention waiting for them. Of course, neither one minded. After incarceration, they decided to walk home together.

Only this time, it was hand in hand.

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This story was created 4/10/22. Stay amazing and see you next chapter! Bye!