walk in our shoes//stray kids

seven

seungmin

he wasn't good enough and seungmin knew he never would be.

he would never be as good as his brother.

he and sunghyun had been the closest brothers you could ever meet. they were only a year apart and did everything together. they cried together, laughed together, studied together. they were inseparable..

or so seungmin thought.

he didn't notice how differently his parents treated him from his brother when he started to grow famous at first, until it was clear how much they favored his older brother. seungmin had been the first to know of his brother's dreams to become an idol, and he was happy for his brother to become famous and live a luxurious life, but when sunghyun debuted everything changed.

his parents suddenly only paid attention to his brother, even when he was there it was all about sunghyun, and when he wasn't they didn't even know he existed. seungmin was like a ghost, he was alive as he touched things and made noises, but people just ignored his presence and shrugged it off as the wind or something.

that's how he felt. like a ghost that couldn't leave earth until he received closure.

seungmin didn't accept it at first until one day when someone insulted him his parents didn't deny them, instead they agreed. "seungmin and sunghyun are brothers?! wow, i couldn't tell because sunghyun is so much prettier," the complete stranger said with no remorse.

he was shocked the stranger has the guts to say something so rude right to his and his parents faces but it felt like he was punched in the gut when they laughed and his mother said, "yes, we get that all the time. i would've doubted seungming was my son if he hadn't came out of my own womb."

lies..no one had ever said that. as a matter of fact he and sunghyun had often been mistaken for twins because they looked so alike. yet his mother had said she doubted him basically becuase he was so ugly compared to sunghyun..

from then on seungmin distanced himself from his brother and pushed himself to be the best. maybe if he became smarter and better-looking his parents would notice him, so he became extremely intelligent and took better care of his face and body.

he worked his brain and body to the point of utter exhaustion as he studied the same content over and over until he understood it like the back of his hand. sunghyun noticed how he overworked himself even though he was barely home due to his schedule and told him to take care of himself but seungmin ignored him.

he didn't get to tell him anything when he was the favorite son...

seungmin worked harder than he ever had before in his entire life to get to the top of his class. he worked hard to win competitions that he absolutely dominated. he worked even harder to keep in shape and did everything to have a better face without having it modified, but it seemed as if his parents couldn't care less.

when seungmin told him he had won yet another mathlete award they had simply nodded and continued eating as if he hadn't passed out due to overworking himself for them. but whenever his brother came around and said he was being put on the cover of elle korea it was as if he told them he had won the lottery.

seungmin couldn't help but grow a strong aversion towards his older brother, but he knew it was misplaced. his brother wasn't at fault for simply being himself, it was his parents who ignored him as if they only had one son.

it all came crashing down one fateful evening.

his brother had come home to visit for the weekend and his parents had been oh so overjoyed to have their "pride and joy" back, even if it was for two days. seungmin had never felt so crushed when he was patiently waiting for his mother to call him for dinner, but she never did.

seungmin had been waiting all day to have the feast she prepared and he was confused when he heard chattering and the clinking of silverware, yet no one had called him down. it dawned upon him that they had forgotten about him and it hurt..it hurt like hell to know that no one cared or even knew you existed and at that point he felt himself go over the edge.

with tears already streaming down his face seungmin entered the dining room and scoffed when he saw they weren't even on dinner anymore and had moved to dessert. his mother had prepared sunghyun a cake for seemingly no reason at all and he couldn't help but laugh humorlessly when all three looked up at him in shock to see him enter the room.

"am i really not that important?" seungmin said once his laughter died down. his parents and brother were mildly confused but he continued to speak, "do you not even realize how differently you treat me and sunghyun?!"

his voice raised and seungmin could feel a mixture of rage and utter sadness bubble beneath his skin. "seungmin, what are you talking about-"

"you know what i'm talking about! you treat me as if i don't even exist! ever since sunghyun debuted you've both dropped me as if i was nothing but a nuisance! do you really care about me that little?! mother you even said yourself that you doubt i'm your son because sunghyun is so much prettier than i am."

sunghyun was beyond flabbergasted and somewhat saddened by his brother's words. he was rarely home but whenever he was he never saw his parents treating him differently..maybe he should've paid more attention. no it wasn't maybe. he should've seen it..

"seungmin. please stop this. i'm sure this is all a misunderstanding-"

seungmin nearly exploded when he heard his brother say it was misunderstanding and shouted, "a misunderstanding?! you don't misunderstand missing your son's birthday because his older one had a sounding party. you don't misunderstand ignoring your son who clearly does everything for you to notice him. you don't misunderstand your son passing out becaude he overworked himself for them!"

"i've given everything for my own mother and father to notice me. it's so sad and pathetic to even have to work myself to the bone for them to notice me. every time i study to the point where i get a headache it's for you guys, every time i compete to the best of my abilities and win it's for you guys. every time i try to make myself look better so people would say me and sunghyun look alike it's for you guys."

tears stream down seungmin's face and his family feel extremely guilty as they realize just how badly they neglected and overlooked seungmin. "it's so terrible that i even thought of comitting...just for you to notice me."

his mother breaks down crying and sunghyun feels his own eyes water at the thought of his little brother feeling so unnoticed that he thought the only way to get their attention was to kill himself.

"god, i'm so sorry seungmin..i-i didn't know. i know my word's won't make up for shit..but i'm so sorry. i never knew that you felt such a way and i want to spend more time with you. just please..please don't hurt yourself for us to notice you. i wouldn't be able to live with myself if you did commit..b-because of me," his older brother said while tears of his own streamed down his face.

his father nodded to sunghyun's words, silently agreeing but not speaking. which wasn't out of the norm for him because seungmin didn't get his lack of speech from no one.

his family spent hours talking about feelings and how they would spend more time together and not leave seungmin out. he nearly cried when they all enveloped him in a group hug and told him they loved him...something he hadn't heard in a long time.

seungmin had intended on going to the convenience store nearby to get some ramen since they were out at home, but for some reason his feet lead him somewhere completely different. by the exterior, which was very bright, it looked like a cafe and which a shrug of his shoulders he entered.

his eyes immediately fell on the pile of boys sitting at one singular table big enough for many. it was quite awkward between them all and one looked like he was sleeping against a boy with blonde hair. they all looked up when they heard the ding, signalling that another person had entered and a boy with a voice that didn't match his face said, "is he the last one?"

seungmin looked to the counter when he heard a voice and saw a boy with pink hair and a bright smile, "no he is not, but we are waiting on just one more.

our maknae."