walk in our shoes//stray kids

eight

jeongin

he had been eight when he first started.

jeongin had come home with tears in his eyes because he hadn't sold enough candy to have a pizza party, expecting to see his mother smile warmly at him and hug him so close all his worries would go away, but instead he came home to a ruined home and sobbing father.

eight-year old jeongin was confused and ran over to his father, "dad! dad what happened?! where's mommy?" at the mention of his mother he sobbed harder and jeongin could only stand there helplessly not knowing what to do or how to comfort him.

he didn't know to not touch his father in his emotionally unstable state but he was only eight and couldn't tell how he was shaking in anger and not sadness anymore. jeongin reached out to place his small hand on his shoulder to try and help him but instead his hand was grabbed harshly and he was yanked by the arm.

a shriek left his lips as his father threw him across the room. jeongin was so light he was easy to lift and throw but he wasn't supposed to be thrown in this way. the little boy was scared and hurt as he looked up at his father who wasn't truly his father anymore.

screams left his throat as his father slapped, kicked, and punched his small frame. he didn't understand what he had done to be hit so terribly as his father screamed it was his fault over and over. his parents has never laid a finger on him so the pain was overwhelming for his tiny body and it didn't take long for him to black out.

jeongin was too young to understand what was going on and why he was hit nearly everyday to the point he lost consciousness. all he knew was that his mother had left them and it was his fault if he heard his father's screaming words correctly.

he thought it was something all kids went through because after his beating his father cleaned him up of the blood, fed him, and even gave him a kiss before bed. he even gave jeongin rewards for "keeping the secret" from people that questioned the bruises he couldn't hide.

it wasn't until jeongin was twelve that he realized what his father did was wrong. he and his parents had been playing a harmless game of never have i ever when his best friend suhyuk had said, "never have i ever gotten a beating." jeongin was the only one to lower his finger and his friends looked at him in surprise.

"your dad beats you?!" jeongin had nodded hesitantly upon seeing their shocked faces and didn't understand why they reacted such a way. didn't all kids get hit by their parents? didn't they get rewards too?

the answer was no and when child protective services came knocking at their door the next day his father hadn't answered. instead he began to hurriedly pack up their things and told jeongin to move silently but swiftly. he was too naive to realize his father was running away from the kiddy cops until they were on the highway to seoul.

when they settled into a home that was a step down from their last he received the worst beating of his life. his father had yelled at him for being stupid and not keeping the secret as he grabbed the thing nearest to him and flung it at him, which just so happened to be a pan.

he had never felt such pain in his life as it collided with his head and jeongin was immediately knocked unconscious. when he woke up and tried to move his left arm a sharp pain shot through it and he couldn't help but scream in pain. jeongin's arm was twisted at an alarming angle and he just knew it was broken.

his father thankfully took him to the hospital and upon them asking what happened he answered for jeongin and said he had fell while playing with friends. friend he didn't have or knew of.

jeongin was kept locked away in the house for many years until he turned sixteen and begged his father to let him go to school, even for just a year and he would come back home. to his utter amazement he agreed and the next day jeongin was enrolled in goyang high school.

he immediately clicked with everyone and made lots of friends, but that was to be expected because it was jeongin. the social butterfly that was a bit shy but loved everyone nonetheless. jeongin kept the abuse from his father a secret and became a master at makeup and lying. makeup hid his bruises the clothes couldn't cover and lying made his life easier.

it was one day that jeongin saw a flyer for tryouts for chorus and his best friend, minya, had encouraged him to join after hearing jeongin singing to himself while cleaning up the school after class was over.

jeongin was extremely shy and had turned her down at first but after minya posted a video of him on SNS and it blew up he had no choice but to tryout. everyone immediately recognized his voice and shrieked as they began recording him, hoping maybe someone would scout him and he would become the next big thing.

it was then that he gained the nickname "agi ppang." agi ppang which means baby bread was what peoole deemed him to looklike after a fox and it stuck as his social media name. he was now known as agi ppang the great singer on social media and jeongin couldn't help but relish in the attention he received from everyone.

even people overseas knew of agi ppang!

except one person didn't like how he was gaining fame and a big fandom on social media: his father.

jeongin had arrived home late because he had stayed late at school practicing for their next concert when he saw his father. he was sitting in the living room with a single lamp on, as if he were patiently waiting for jeongin to come home.

"so jeongin..or should i say 'agi ppang,' how long did you plan on keeping this music thing a secret from me," his father asked him softly but in a voice filled with measured emotions.

jeongin's stomach knotted and despite knowing his father would either find out from him or someone else one day he wasn't ready. the sixteen year old fidgeted with his zipper and stuttered, "i w-wasn't keeping it f-from you-"

the next thing he knew a book, his own songwriting notebook, was being flung at him. it landed on his arm before falling to the floor in front of his feet. his arm stung just the slightest but his face stung even worse when his father got up and slapped him across the face.

the force behind it made him fall to the ground and the next moment jeongin was being grabbed by his hair. a sound of pain left him as his roots throbbed painfully and his father slapped him again before shoving his face aside and kicking him in the ribs.

all jeongin could do was sob and whimper as he was relentlessly abused all over his body. everything ached and burned from head-to-toe and all he could do was hope he blacked out soon, but to his dismay he stayed conscious the entire time. his father panted and sweat beamed on his forehead as he finally grew too tired to even lift his foot again to kick jeongin.

blood streamed down his forehead and his nose. his face was bit swollen from being slapped so much and jeongin knew bruises and shoe marks would litter his skin. "cut the music shit out," his father said softly while calmly wiping his bloody hands off on a white hand towel.

jeongin was too weak to even respond but his father took his silence as affirmation and left him on the living room floor. it took him hours to finally get up off the floor and he knew he had to do it...

he had to leave.

so with an aching and bloody body jeongin grabbed a duffel bag and stuffed it with all his belongings, which were scarce because his father had threw most of them at him and broken it. he heard his father open his bedroom door right as he was at the front door and as fear jolted through him he swung the door open and ran as if his life depended on it, because in all honesty it did.

jeongin ran far away from his home, so far that he didn't even know what part of town he was in but was glad it was unfamiliar to him because if it was then his father would probably also not know where he was at either.

his body burned in pain and the raven haired knew he wouldn't be able to go any further without collapsing so he entered the nearest place and heard a small bell ring upon his entering.

he knew he probably looked terrible but all he could say was, "help me," before collapsing to the floor.