Ivy knows it's time to return to her childhood seaside town to battle the demons of her past. Two years away from her friends, family and the beloved sandy beach that holds such a special place in her heart.
She knows the visit will be painful but...
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J J W O O D F O R D
I haven't seen Ivy all day because she was with Isaac.
After our kiss.
After I pushed her against the wall and listened as she moaned into my mouth and fisted my shirt.
After I heard how aggressively her heart thumped against mine.
After I told her that what we felt was not lust.
And yet she still thinks I'm messing with her. Playing some mind tricks or something. When in fact the desire to have her is so strong, I can barely function today knowing that she purposely avoided me whilst Finn was at work.
I'm not good with my words. I've never really been good at voicing how I feel or what emotions I'm experiencing because I always used to think it was a sign of weakness. But when my mum got sick and I couldn't keep everything bottled up anymore, it all came out and I realised... expressing how you feel isn't too bad.
Now I struggle to articulate the words.
The other night I wanted to say a million different things but none of them would have come out right, most likely pushed Ivy away when she was already in a fragile state. That's the last thing I would have wanted after already upsetting her once.
Sometimes I wish I could get everything off my chest but it's like a mental block in my head, the words don't fit with each other and I lose my train of thought. It's exhausting and I want nothing more than to tell Ivy that I don't care for Daisy.
The next morning I wake up fairly early and decide to take a run down at the beach. It's better to run in the mornings when it's quieter and cooler, helps me function throughout the day by attempting to clear my mind.
It gets so loud inside my brain some days because it's reused words going round and round my skull because they never leave my lips. It's like an encyclopedia of every thought I've ever had.
I need to hit factory reset soon before I overload.
My chest burns as I run down the seafront, headphones jammed in my ears and my eyes set forward. I don't look at another person but the direction ahead of me. I never realised how much running in a beautiful setting like this would help calm the storm inside my head.
When I circle around and find myself slowing to a jog from where I started, I stop my watch and look down at the damage I've done. 10K in forty-eight minutes.
Shit. I haven't run that quickly in a long time.
My legs ache as I begin to walk, catching my breath. I glance up at the beaming sun and shield my eyes for a moment, dampening my mouth because I stupidly forgot to bring any water out with me.
