Ivy knows it's time to return to her childhood seaside town to battle the demons of her past. Two years away from her friends, family and the beloved sandy beach that holds such a special place in her heart.
She knows the visit will be painful but...
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I V Y T H O M P S O N
I've been sitting on the edge of my bed for the last twenty minutes. My eyes are glued to the window, watching the white clouds sweep across the sky. No chance of sunshine today. I sigh and grab my phone, I scroll through my contacts and press down on Daisy's name.
She answers on the third ring. "Hey, you okay?"
A hum mumbles off my lips. "Hey," I say as I flop back onto my bed. "I'm alright. I'm in need of a chat."
"I'm all ears, Ivy," the sound of shuffling echoes in the receiver. "What's up?"
"I want JJ."
Daisy laughs quietly. "Yeah, I think we all know that."
"But–"
"Oh god, there is a but."
"Shhh," I say over her and she chuckles again. "This is serious."
Daisy pauses for a moment. "Okay, go on. I'm listening."
I inhale a deep breath and stare up at my ceiling, twirling a piece of hair around my finger. "I know things will get complicated with Finn if I start something with JJ," I start. "He thinks it's because of Finn but it's also because he doesn't know what happened with Ben. How I felt about my body after the accident."
When I stop talking for a moment. "Your insecurities?"
My eyes flutter shut. "Yes."
"Ivy, you are beautiful."
Her words don't even comfort me because I can't seem to believe them. I never have.
"I..." I trail off, the word dying out in my mouth. "I don't feel like it."
"Are you worried about being naked around him or something?"
My lips roll over each other. "I'm worried about being so vulnerable in front of him."
"Ivy," she says my name with purpose. "I hate to break it to you but JJ has already seen your naked body. You've already allowed yourself to be completely vulnerable with him by sleeping with him."
The thought has my stomach rolling. "That doesn't count," I shake my head. "We were drunk. Really drunk and the alcohol gave me stupid amounts of confidence I'll never have if I was sober. I didn't care about what he thought about my body because I thought it wasn't going to go anywhere. We both wanted pleasure, we got it."
"Well he saw you, Ivy," her voice crackles through the line. "He saw your body, scars and all and he still wants you. I wish you could see you how we see you. You need to pick up that confidence and show him who's boss."
An awkward laugh escapes my mouth. "Show him who's boss... have you ever met me, Daisy? I don't know how to be confident."
"No..." she mumbles. "But you can learn. You can learn to love that body of yours by making yourself feel sexy."
