Peanut Butter and Jenni

Fifteen

I spent an hour cleaning out my old green Subaru- I vacuumed, dusted, wiped the seats and added air freshener.  When I thought it was perfect, I drove over to Hartwick to pick up Jenni.   It was the first time I had been inside her dorm, and older building called Holmes Hall.  I liked it more than my dorm.  Holmes hall had character.

It was also the  first time I had seen Jenni wearing anything other than simple running clothes.  She wore high heels, skinny jeans and a white silk top, and her dense black hair was curled and hanging across her shoulders.  She even wore some makeup.  I wanted to stare, but I was too nervous to tell her she was gorgeous.  Running pals don't talk to each other that way.

We had never been in a car together.  With Jenni sitting quietly next to me, I drove down the hill from Hartwick's main entrance.  She didn't have much to say, so I tried to fill the empty space with small talk.  We arrived at the diner in five minutes, and we were both relieved to get our of the car.

Delilah's Diner is a small, narrow restaurant with white walls, sitting only about fifteen feet from the busy state highway.  I parked in a narrow lot on the side of the building.  Customers can choose to take a stool at a worn Formica counter and look at the grease-stained kitchen or sit at a table in a cramped and dimly-lit dining area near  the side entrance.  There weren't many people eating that night, and we chose a corner table a view of the late rush hour traffic.  Worn cardboard menus were placed next to the napkin holder; Jenni immediately began to scan the entries with her finger, looking for dishes that offered a side of rice.

A waitress, probably in her forties and wearing a black outfit with a stained white apron, brought two cups of coffee to our table.

"Are you guys ready to order?  Or do you want me to come back in a while?"

Jenni spoke first.  "I'd like the grilled salmon.  Can I have rice with that?"

"Sure can, honey.  Grilled salmon with rice.  Got it.  How about you, sir?"

I handed her my menu and said, "I'd like the baked macaroni and cheese special.  Diners always do a great job with that."

As we ate dinner, Jenni was subdued.  Small talk has always made me uncomfortable, but I tried to get her to speak.  I began by stating the obvious.  "You look really nice tonight, Jenni.  I mean it.  Wow!"

She blushed and said, "Thanks."

We sat in silence for a minute and I made a lame attempt to break the stalemate.   "Are you hungry, amiga?  This isn't a fancy place, but I've heard they have good food."

Again, Jenni wasn't saying much.  "A little hungry.  Not too much."

I asked questions about her classes, her cross-country team, and her family in Cebu.  Every time, Jenni answered, "They're OK."  

When she had almost finished her dinner, she put down her silverware and her dark eyes met mine.  She drew a breath and asked me bluntly, "Is this a date?"

I was surprised by her question, but I grinned.  I liked the idea.  A first date with Jenni made me think about a second date, and a third.  "I don't know.  I guess...maybe, maybe not.  Would a date make you happy?"

She looked down and began to tear at the edges of her napkin.  "I can't have a date with you, Dylan.  It would be nice, but...we just can't date."

Every inch of her was special to me.  But I also knew that it might not be right.  Morphing from running buddies to a steamy romance could be difficult.  The idea of holding Jenni tight, feeling the warmth of her body against mine and having her all to myself was an appealing daydream, but I didn't want to take a chance on an uncertain romance and losing her if it didn't work out.

"That's OK, Jenni.  We're friends.  Everything's perfect.  We're not dating.  But...is there a problem with me?"  I could feel the high school insecurities creeping back.

She opened her eyes wide and shook her head.  her hair brushed against my hands as she spoke.  "NO!  No problem with you, amigo.  You're fine.  You're more than fine.  I like you.  Sometimes, I like you a lot.  You're my very best amigo.  But I have a boyfriend back in Cebu- I should have said something about him before now.  I haven't seen him foe almost a year, and we don't talk often.  Maybe we won't stay together, but we haven't ended things.  I think we're both lazy about it, because we live so far away.  So you and me..."

She shrugged.  "We just can't date, Dylan.  I hope you understand."  Her eyes were wet.  I looked down, to hide my eyes.  I didn't want Jenni to see that I was also upset.

She leaned forward, touched my cheek, and continued, her face inches from mine.  "Please don't be unhappy, amigo.  I hope I'm someone who makes you smile."

"Are you kidding?  Don't worry about that.  I could never be mad at you, Jenni."