Renga: Blue is all I see

Overthinking

The truth was...Reki loved to draw. His sketchbooks we're filled with countless sketches that he used to craft his skateboards with. He couldn't wait for the day when he could add color to them. Reki had always been rather shy about his sketchbooks though, only choosing to share them with Langa. Langa was the only person in the whole world that knew about Reki's love for art. Who knew that it was Reki's dream to be an artist.

Maybe that's why Reki was obsessed with color so much, maybe that's why it aggravated him so much to live in a black and white world. The truth was...he envied Joe and Cheery. They had it all. Color, love, successfulness. He loved those two, but sometimes he just couldn't hell being jealous.

Reki told himself. Just keep waiting. You're almost there. And once you find color, you'll be able to find love too. Although, when Reki thought about that part of the deal his insides always clenched up and he began to feel faint.

Reki had never done well with crushes and love life's. The first time a girl had asked him out, he had gone crying to his mom. When he had hit puberty and liked a girl for the first time, he had been crazy unprepared. So he his insides were definitely squirming about the whole soulmate thing.

Especially since they're was only one color he wanted to see. He told everyone it was red for his hair color. But no, he wanted to see blue, and he knew the reason why. He just didn't want to admit it to himself.

The truth was...Langa hadn't seen all his sketchbooks. There was one, filled with countless pages of the boy who was Reki's best friend. The boy who Reki knew, deep down, he was in love with.

Reki wasn't sure when it had started. Reki had always thought for sure he was straight. Then one day Langa had shown up looking...well looking pretty fine. Reki had befriended him because of the way they clicked. Because of the way Langa was amazed with everything Reki did. And that's when Reki had noticed how much he clung to Langa. How much they hung out, and how much Reki tried to have their arms touch. How different their relationship felt from any of Reki's other friends.

When Reki watched Langa skate, he didn't know what the heck happened with his heart. All Reki knew was that no petty crushed could describe the way he felt for Langa. So naturally, being as terrible as he was at love, Reki chose to ignore these feelings and try his best to focus on girls. Although, that hadn't really gotten him anywhere.

Reki didn't know what Langa's sexuality was, but he was sure Langa had to be straight. Reki sometimes cursed at himself for thinking those thoughts, telling himself he was straight. Even thought the more he though about it, the more he wasn't sure that was true. It was Langa's fault.

Reki was trying to push all those thoughts away, as he lied in bed, sketching Langa's eyes. He imagined what it would be like, seeing them blue. Right now blue was just a word to Reki. It didn't mean anything except that it was Langa's eye color. He couldn't even imagine what it looked like though.

Reki thought about what Langa had said. About him being able to see rainbow. Reki longed to see that too. He wanted to find his soulmate as quickly as possible, that way he could see every color of the rainbow. Reki had heard horror stories about people that were never able to find their soulmate. Or people that had only found them at the very end of life. Reki was determined to not let that happen to him. He would find color. He wouldn't waste his life seeing only back and white. What kind of an artist would that be?

Reki confined to sketch Langa's eyes, remembering how they lit up when Langa saw color for the first time. Langa knew Reki's eye color. Reki's eyes were the first color Langa had ever seen. That thought made Reki's heart flutter every time he thought of it.

"Reki! Dinners ready!" Reki's mother called from the kitchen. Reki quickly slammed his drawings shut, hiding them beneath his bed. He could never let his mom find out, he was too scared.

"Coming Mom," Reki called. He flung on a sweatshirt Langa had let him borrow and he had never given back. The smell still radiated throughout the clothe. Reki swung his arms as he walked to the kitchen, seeing his three sisters smiling at him. He smiled back, trying to forget about the color blue.