TOXIC

Unravel

(Few years later)......... everyday mi reach home Issa problem! I can never understand why my mother beats us the way she does especially me, she takes care of us we want for nth without a father but lord I feel like she hates me. Ever since my body started filling out is like she beat mi fi any and everything "Weh mi do deh lady ya inna life kmt" I say under my breath walking into the bathroom to shower right after my last beating of the week. It's Friday and my 5th and last day coming home from school after 3:00. I'm now in the 9th grade I'm great in school I dnt give problems and I'm not a bad kid but some how d lady expects me to be home by 3:00 when school lets out by 2:30. By the time mi walk
Through Jose gate dem and reach out a bus stop it's already like 2:45, then I get on the first bus I see because I'm not one of those teenagers mi wi all jump pon a chichi mi nuh watch nuh face and yes we moved so now instead of taking the one bus into Spanish town I have to stay in bus terminus and get a taxi to take me to angels and that is where my problems lie cause by the time I get to Spanish town it's after 3:00 because like I keep telling her it's not possible and when mi head tek mi and I accidentally said "Weh yuh wah mi do fly"? a dem time deh she beat mi "lawd god a tiyad"

One ting mi ago tek d lic dem cause when Mi reach inna bus terminus mi affi walk go ova the road and meet my man everyday n mi nuh care Weh mommy do mi tek d hose "my subconscious shrugs her shoulders and laugh dat is it". Any Weh mi mada move mi go Shawnie ago find mi and I love that for me cause at 14 who knew all this time I would still be Inlove with this boy. And believe it or not I'm still a virgin nobody believes it cause of how my body looks I guess, I remember before we moved from toys pen ms mavis said to me "god nuh gi yuh nuh face but him give ya body". Whateva d ugly woman meant idk but a cah ugly she a call me ugly when she look like dat. But a so Jamaicans stay once yuh nuh light yuh ugly to dem. As I get out the shower my mother and brother was sitting in the living room with a lady I never seen before " yes miss Chanelle a u mi a wait pon" I looked her up and down "good evening" I said "good evening ma'am"she replied " I'm your Aunty patsy" all mi a look a try figure out Weh she a do in ya cause her breda leff mi n my breda gone a farin how many years not even a dollar him nuh send. " ok and what" "so everybody wasn't lying, yuh rotten fi true" she stated pity she didn't know how rotten I could get. Everybody that ever came across me knew just how I didn't give a fuck about nothing, no mannas dem call it but I call it no nonsense!. "Nell behave yuhself" my mother yelled "yuh Aunty come fi bring unuh go a farin" years now dem ppl ya seh wi a go farin wi go embassy bout 5 or so years ago n still deh Jamaica "unuh papers finally come tru and unuh a leave next Saturday" d Aunty she a tlk but after dat mi a zone out everything cause who dem feel a leave dem man n fren dem could neva be me. "Hsssst" I kissed my teeth walking away same time my mada bull she get up wrapped start hitting me in my head and face "no u can't do that to her man" patsy said coming in between my mother and i. " everyting yuh wah lic lic mi just kill mi and done mek mi see Weh yuh do when mi gone". " yuh wah beat mi dung cause mi nuh wah go Weh wid ppl mi nuh know"? I screamed "mi tiyad a yuh mi tiyad a yuh a I'll treat mi and all mi do a Weh yuh seh, tru fi yuh mumma did hate yuh n drop yuh like bloody cloth inna garbage yuh wah tek out yuh issues pon me" . Im looking her dead in her eyes because I will never get another chance to express myself, what better time than when dis dirty lady Weh a call herself Aunty a intervene. She started crying looking at me " yuh a mi wash belly Chanelle, yuh know how mi luv all a mi pikney dem especially you?, mi mek unuh get everything unuh want and need and mi do it by myself only help mi ave is god, mi put roof ova yuh head, clothes food and shoes yuh and yuh think me nuh love yuh? Mi tek up mi self run Weh leff mi house Weh mi build just fi get yuh Weh from d dutty cruff boy and yuh still a run back a him Weh more mi can do fi yuh"?
All while my big gyal breda sidung nah seh a word, cause all him know fi do a watch mi business and run go tell mommy cause is like him love see when mi a get lic. I look at him rolling my eyes cause I knew he been chatting. " mi love him and him love me, so mi ago see him and dat doh mek mi a bad pikney I'm not doing nth wrong" I said quietly looking down at my bare feet. "Yuh nah see him enuh matter fact patsy how much fi change d ticket? Cause this weekend mi wah she leave" my mother asked my aunt while letting go of my hair and taking hold of my hand. "I can change it man the earliest she can go is Monday I'm going up that day so I can change all the tickets and bring them up with me". Now imagine yuh nuh know me and wah come uproot mi life look at unuh not even yuh breda Eva rest him eye pon mi from mi born but now unuh wah come run inna mi life like Trojan horse n my mada so farin minded she a send mi not knowing Weh unuh can do to wi although my breda him deserve any treatment.